Unexpected identity crisis

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    Unexpected identity crisis

    Bad day. Hm... Maybe bad life?
    They say I have wrong lifestyle, wrong job, wrong relatonship... I realize that I know myself better than anyone. But what if they are right? What if I spent the great part of my life not in the way I should had? They are quite respected people for me, and in addition to it they took me some argued advises and criticized some doubtful aspects of my life independently from each other. These facts raise serious hesitations in my mind and makes me think deeply over their words. And the most terrifying is that I seem to agree with them.
    I ask myself what I need to do to make such substantial changes in my life, and what is even more difficult in what way I should execute this changes. All of this means I have to break down my previous quartercentury long life experience to build new personality, habbits, etc. But how can I do this? It seems imbosible. There are too many questions and I have no answers to them.
    No, I haven`t depressed yet. But all this situation makes me give up and lose the reasons for further self-development.
    Thank you for your patience while reading my whine and I sencerely apologize for my awful "english" (it`s not my native language, as you have already guessed)

    I like to think about my life like I'm the hero of my own movie (video is Joe Rogan): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN6N2GY-7u8

    It sounds like you've got people around you that care about you; let them know you take yourself seriously too. Also careful of people that criticize relationships; they could be right about the job but relationships are very complicated. Your partner may partly be a reflection of yourself and also need help.

    Video summary:
    - Write down what you want
    - Live like there there is a documentary crew following you around
    - Get it together, be the hero
    - Don't let the world maintain your mindset
    - Be inspired by the success of others

    I'd add "baby steps." Do one thing a day, accomplish things in small steps (maybe it's a workout, maybe it's sending an email or looking for jobs). Celebrate the fact we're still alive. I've been having similar thoughts about life and am focusing on fitness as a way to get stronger so I can transform my life and help other people.


      I'm younger and I kinda feel a bit like you in regards to my life.
      I feel like I've been making all the wrong lifestyle choices.
      The most important thing is not to think of the time you've already lost but think about the time you still have.

      I never liked how my body looked and that's what kept me from doing most of the things I should've done regardless.
      Being overweight, most of the time I avoided going out and instead stayed at home playing games.
      From the real life friends I had only a few remained and the others are just online friends that I don't even know in person.

      So, for me, the thing that kept me from having the confidence to go out and live my life as I wanted to was my body.
      So, that's why I'm focusing on is changing my body so I can have a boost in confidence again.

      All you really need is to know clearly where you want to take your life to and find a strategy to get there.
      Write down your goals (be specific) and the way you want to achieve them. Add an image to make it easier to visualize.
      Then, read that every single day as you wake up and as you go to bed.
      Make it your duty to work towards those goals every day of your life.

      I've been doing this and not only I started working out (consistently so far) and I've also got back in touch with my real life friends.

      With time you'll see progress on all of those aspects and your life will get better.

      Also, make sure that the goals you set for yourself are the things YOU want and not the things that OTHERS want for you.
      There will always be pieces of advice you can take from others but you can't let others define you or shape your life.

      I'm rooting for you!



        A few things that I learnt during my life are

        1. Take your time to think and consider opinions/suggestions/your own thoughts before making a decision. Once the decision is made stick to it.
        2. There is never a wrong or bad decision, every decision any person take is correct and absolutely right for his/her condition/situation at that point of time.
        3. If the decision works out, good. If not, it is a lesson learnt. But nothing wrong or bad about it.
        4. people who care about us, will stick with us even if we don't follow their suggestion or opinion.

        Originally posted by XYN View Post
        No, I haven`t depressed yet. But all this situation makes me give up and lose the reasons for further self-development.
        In any kind of situation all one can do is

        1. stay fit (all you have to do is chose a darebee challenge / workout / WOD and do it)
        2. be happy (absolutely nothing is required for these 2 to happen).
        3. face everything head on. (see point 3 above again.)

        If you don't know what to do because of many things at hand, just concentrate on one thing and deal with it, then the next.


        That's my piece, hope it helps.


          that sounds like a horrible headspace to be living in. i'm definitively certain that if i let anyone get in my head and tell me that all the choices i've made to date were horrible, then i'd be nearly suicidal. that's not to say that i'm trying to fool myself into believing they were good decisions. but for all those bad decisions, great things have come to and through me. the person i've grown to be, the things i've learned. my daughter. i would be so much less kind and compassionate without her. and i wouldn't have her without my husband. my husband and i are a very bad match. we get on well enough and we are very good friends but there's nothing marital about our marriage.

          the person you were then did the best you could with the knowledge and the tools you had at the time. you are a different person now. make a new choice for tomorrow but don't regret your yesterday. it was the fire that forged the steel that is the person you are now. so ... turn up the heat. temper it a little bit more and next time somebody points out all the things that you might have done differently in your life, consider these things: 1) they love you and are doing the best for you that they can. 2) sometimes when people bring up your past, it is because they are intimidated or afraid of who you are now. 3) life is shaped by the story we tell ourselves and other people about the events that happened so you change your life by changing how you tell your story.

          Click image for larger version

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          it really is that simple. but, that doesn't make it easy.


            Thank you! Really, I am very grateful for your invaluable advices and cheering words. Your moral support has helped me a lot.
            I know, If I just complain, my situation will not change to better. I have to make plan and move toward my goals. Step by step.

            And I want everyone to know this section of Hive actually helps. No matter who we are and what happened in our lives, we can be sure to find a support here. Thanks Darebee Team and all Darebee community!


              The only advice I can give, from what I've learnt so far, is stop with the "what ifs".

              'What if' is only a dream.

              I'm one of those people who catastrophasize about everything. "But what if it goes wrong!"

              No, what if it goes right?

              Except for not harming others, there is no "instruction book" to life. There is no "right" way to live. Nobody can experience everything in their lives, its impossible.

              People can tell you you are doing it wrong as much as they want, but ultimately, YOU are the one who has to be satisfied on your deathbed.

              And another thing about those 'What ifs'... sometimes they give you anxiety because you are the opposite of that thought. For example - when I get a thought of "What if I murder someone!" I get so anxious to where I want to lock myself away in the house just 'in case'.

              I react that way because that thought goes against my core values, and ultimately everything I stand for. I mean, I can't even watch Animal Planet without crying over the animals killing each other. If I didn't have any sort of reaction to that thought, THAT would be worrisome, because it would mean that I don't care, since there's no emotion attached.