Seeking Some Duct Tape

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    Congrats on allowing yourself to get back your motivation!

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      Mianevem well, I haven't managed to write yet

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        It still can't be called an unproductive day.

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          I am really in a black mood. Was in some trapped animal mode this morning I accidentally found a partial solution. Went to meet gym buddies and just being around ppl forces me to put a cheerful face on. And that put me in a better mood on its own.

          Also did my Sparta today. Trying to get self sorted out.


          Habits:
          Yesterday's food log: 6/6
          Reasonably reasonable nutrition: 5/6
          Fluids: 5/6
          Moved 60+ min yesterday: 5/6
          GTFO house yesterday: 6/6
          French lesson today: 6/6
          Got up on time today: 5/6

          Current streak 156

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            After all you’ve dealt with and been through this year? You have a RIGHT to be *unsorted* whenever that happens. Those waves of grief come in all forms. Respect that. And yourself. You’re still standing.

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              DorothyMH the black mood that I feel the need to "sort" isn't grief, that or ennui I can just sit with bc it IS justified. I don't expect myself to be 100% ok right now.

              But this terrible trapped animal "everything will always be horrible now and the worst outcome is the only possible outcome and nothing is ok and nothing can or will ever get better and I can tell you 500 reasons why your reasonable solution is wrong and you're a moron for thinking it is reasonable" nonsense that I was in this morning is not a state I want to "entertain" bc I am apt to do destructive/maladaptive things when I'm like that... (Hey, if nothing can get better why not just light everything on fire so at least you're warm for the end of the world.) (And if everything is bad now, it will probably be worse if I start telling helpful ppl to fuck right off.)

              Luckily, I tend to put on this "super girl" persona of competence when I'm around ppl. Which is why I usually need time to recharge bc it gets exhausting...but which is useful when I am spriraling in the wrong direction.

              So now I need to make a consious effort to spend more time online gaming w ppl and more time on the phone w friends that are not quite close enough that I'll break down around them for a few weeks until I'm off this cliff.

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                Got ahead of friend so day off for Sparta.

                Counting my walk to run errands as my action for today. Altho may add yoga later.

                Played some sealed/drafted mtg with sleep_twitch and one of my friend and one of his friends and it was just what I needed. I got lucky and got 2 evil pirates with this awesome little seemingly harmless bit of synergy (who can be scared of 1 dmg) as an engine for them and actually won via some mechanic other than "I got out big stompy critters fast". Woke poor hubby up laughing but oh well.

                Habits:
                Yesterday's food log: 7/7
                Reasonably reasonable nutrition: 6/7
                Fluids: 6/7
                Moved 60+ min yesterday: 6/7
                GTFO house yesterday: 7/7
                French lesson today: 6/7
                Got up on time today: 6/7

                Current streak 157

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                  You played an awesomely amazing game with those pirates today - I will probably dream of pirates with lots of treasures always going "pling, pling, pling" and stealing cards from our library

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                    Originally posted by 'rin View Post
                    I write better than a 3rd grader and understand consent is a thing so, going to see if I can make a cleaned up contribution to the genre.


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                      You are not alone in feeling the way you do...its uncanny how closely I can relate to how your feeling. I am struggling to get myself right again and most days dont know if it ever will be...so hugs to you and all the vibes you need to keep going

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                        Trbrat75 I'm sorry you are in the same shitty position I'm in, emotionally, bc it really does suck. I am busily reminding myself that although the world is actually on fire it would not be useful to light yet another fire in my little corner of it. I've pretty much put a 10 min delay "rule" in place before I do anything bc impulsiveness is never good when I'm like this.

                        Rainbow Dragon I'm glad you like the idea ^^

                        sleep_twitch I think I am going to build an actual deck around that mechanic/partnership bc omg it was fun to use lol. When Tim got out the "destroy a thing" card I was like "awwwww" annnnddddd then he hit my commander instead of my cannon and handed me the game LOL


                        Yesterday I took a pj's day. Other then taking garbage out (to the end of my hallway) I did not leave my apartment. And I did that early enough that I didn't have to change out of pjs. And I did not even cook, so my nutrition was off but whatever I wanted a lazy day and I took it. But I did not loose streak bc I did stupid sparta!

                        Habits:
                        Yesterday's food log: 8/8
                        Reasonably reasonable nutrition: 7/8
                        Fluids: 7/8
                        Moved 60+ min yesterday: 7/8
                        GTFO house yesterday: 8/8
                        French lesson today: 6/8
                        Got up on time today: 7/8

                        Current streak 158

                        Today I took a haf lazy day. Did leave house, but only for a little walk to get a nice coffee. I will get back to full on self care and french lessons tomorrow. I just needed a brain break. But hey, I got over a minor writers block moment and officially have more words into this project than my longest term papers even. Including the time I was a stubborn asshole and wouldn't change topics when told I should really change topics and ended up having to write 10k words on why I couldn't get enough information to write about what I wanted to write about LOL. Also did sparta, at lv 1.


                        Habits:
                        Yesterday's food log: 9/9
                        Reasonably reasonable nutrition: 7/9
                        Fluids: 8/9
                        Moved 60+ min yesterday: 7/9
                        GTFO house yesterday: 8/9
                        French lesson today: 6/9
                        Got up on time today: 8/9

                        Current streak 159

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                          Writing about why you couldn't write something... sounds horrible. Well done you

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                            Gandhalfit
                            It was a class about the American South west. One of the tribes had never been moved off their ancestral homeland (pretty much the only tribe in American that that was true of). I was doing my (unrelated) senior project about religion, so I was in a mode of looking at that and decided to do my term paper on the religion of the Tewa. Except they didn't talk to ppl about their religion, and since they hadn't been displaced no anthropologists had been able to look at ruins. I actually somehow got an A for writing about everything I'd tried to do to find information, and why they didn't talk to outsiders, with a sideline in supposing their religion was probably similar to a neighboring tribe w a similar language and what we knew xyz abt that. But 10k words on that was a lot lol.

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                              Idk what is up w me and food this week.

                              Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. That was always a hard holiday for me bc I couldn't visit family bc of job, and in my non religious family it was our biggest holiday.

                              I would talk to my dad the whole week leading up, about what we were each cooking. And make the bittersweet phone call to him while he was w the fam so I could say hi to everyone, then go back to my awesome dinner w friends.

                              This year, there's no dad to call. My fam isn't getting together bc they had a few positives (no one in danger, asymptotic or mild). Am not getting together w friends bc altho covid wise our group would be safe (most are working from home except my hubby) the hosts do cat rescue and have ringworm running through their whole house atm. So for the sake of shitty-kitty the loveable slowly dying shark we aren't going there.

                              But, we are trading food w friends (I'm making my loaded cornbread and a few bits and bobs, they're making shepherd's pie). I talked to step mom today to make sure she'll be ok tomorrow (youngest bro is comming by for breakfast, she can go to neighbor's if lonely) bc I think calling tomorrow would be too hard.

                              Did Sparta day 15. 15lb on bicep, 8lbs on flys. Lv3 on 2nd part.

                              Habits:
                              Yesterday's food log: 10/10
                              Reasonably reasonable nutrition: 7/10
                              Fluids: 9/10
                              Moved 60+ min yesterday: 7/10
                              GTFO house yesterday: 9/10
                              French lesson today: 7/10
                              Got up on time today: 9/10

                              Current streak 160

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                                Hugs, and sends you conforting vibes for tommorrow. As for ringworm in foster kitties, oh gosh, not thatI have experience about it, but from what I read, it is ... not fun! (well, except when it is explained by Kitten Lady of course!

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