Went to 2 different parks this weekend trying to find a nicer one to go to(and just get out of the house). They were both much nicer than the last one I visited. One had a few trails and a fishing area(I love fishing). Also had a decent sized dog run, a little unkept, but not to bad. So we did a little hiking here. Stubby was startled by a frog...it was quite hilarious .

Sunday we visited a much larger park. I will need to plan better, I ended up driving through the park with only seeing one place to pull over(which I did not stop there)...I know there is a lot in this park, but i missed it all...sigh. I did finally find some trails though so off we went to adventure. Ha. IDK if its because i am not an avid hiker, or if the trails were just not marked well enough because we ended up getting lost. Well, not lost, just confused. I mean we were still on a trail, just not the one we were supposed to be on, maybe? Who knows. I did get a little panicky feeling. Then downloaded a trail map, that was a little helpful, but still not clear to me, as I ended up going off trail again. I have no sense of direction at all lmao. It was quite the experience. I really need to remember to start my fitbit for those activities. It auto recorded about 40 mins of activity, but I have no idea how far I walked.

A decent weekend though. I havent heard from my husband in over a week now...

Good for you, getting outside I am always amazed by the clarity that comes with walking a path in nature, even if I am not exactly clear on which way to go. That comes later.
It seems very illustrative of your life right now

Yes, indeed it does

If you have missed all that is to see in the park, it's the perfect reason to visit again. Good that you got to go outside a bit and found nice places. I think few things soothe the soul like being outside and in nature.

walked my dog, that is all. Of course my walks now are speed walking because I have to have him on a leash and he has 4 legs to my 2 lol. I also need to remember to start my watch so I can see how far I am walking. I want to do more, I want to start a program, but hell, 12 hours + out of my day is work and driving. I get home, I walk stubby, I might eat(well, i generally eat something), by then its about 7:30 or so and I am tired.

lofivelcro I am looking forward to going back next weekend and seeing the main area I missed. I love being out in nature, when the weather is cooperating lol.

another long day. after getting off work I went to a birthday party. I was so tired I could barely stay awake at the party(i dont know them that well, but they are my extended step family so I went so my son could be around some kids his age). When I got home I just wanted to crash(it was almost 8pm) but I still had to take stubby for his walk. Im not sure if it was because his new schedule was off, or it was evening time or what but he was a complete ass. I stayed up to late talking to one friend who is about to move out of state, and then at almost 430am i get a message from my friend in Australia...oof. She is trying to come back to the states, but she got denied again and was upset. They "are holding us hostage" because of Covid travel restrictions. Sigh...

i am dead tired.

How tired am I? Well I almost fell out of my chair at work yesterday because I fell dead asleep at my desk...

I am hoping today won't be so bad, I went to sleep at a decent-ish time. I am ready for the weekend.

Walked my dog, that was it again, at least he was back to normal and not being such an ass.

I am battling with asking my husband or my Mother in law if they need me to go to the store. My friends tell me not to. I keep checking our bank account and it doesn't appear he has been to the store since I left. Unless he is paying cash. (not likely, unless he is purposefully trying to make it look like he hasn't been) I worry, because I know how he is. He wont take care of himself if no one is there to do it. (taking showers, eating, shopping, etc). It could be a ploy...idk. Sucks that I always have to question his motives for doing or not doing things...sigh. Sucks that I still feel so responsible for them

I hope that your friend finds a way to you.

And also wish you restful sleeps

Don’t do it! Don’t ask! You are not responsible for him or his mother! Be strong!

take care of yourself now, that is most important. He has to learn to take care of himself, you're only making it harder for him if you keep intervening. Keep it clean. You are responsible for You. So, get yourself some sleep instead

He's an adult (probably) and responsible for himself. If he's going to starve because he doesn't shop for groceries, he'll probably do so at one point. It's not your task any more. Let it rest. Think about yourself. There are more important things to do than worrying about him and his mother.

it's time to look out for yourself ❤

Thank you all for your input, it is much appreciated!

Again, just walking my dog last night. Again forgot to start my watch.

I want to check in with them, but I don't want to deal with whatever shitty attitude they might have with me. I want to check in on my dog, but same deal. I feel bad enough without whatever guilt trips they try and throw at me. I shouldn't feel bad. Part of me knows this. I have tried leaving so many times before. My daughter reminded me she left the house a year ago as of yesterday. She said 'turns out you weren't far behind me'. That gave me some mixed emotions. Then this morning she sent me videos from 3 years ago of one of our puppies climbing the baby gate and therefore rendering it useless to him ...but this was my bedroom, and I could see into the kitchen and it made me cry. It is again now, i miss my home.