Newbie Seeking Sage Advice And Support

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    Newbie Seeking Sage Advice And Support

    Hi, I am new here and wondering about the community here. I am obese, have high blood pressure, and pre-diabetic. I am only 30 years old and have struggled with obesity my whole life despite being active all the time. The past few years it got harder and harder to do things so I quit hiking, doing yoga, and going for runs because I just couldn't. I won't say my diet was healthy, but I know what is wrong and how it must be fixed. The past 5 months I have gone from 353lbs to 306lbs with just diet and exercise. I have gone as far as self motivation will take me. The past two weeks I have caught myself snacking on stuff that I shouldn't be eating. I haven't exercised as much as I should have these two weeks either. I am happy that I can jog again, heck walk across a room without losing my breath, but the sheer enormity that I have to do and amount I have to do because medical science wasn't where it needed to be until recently in combination with my own bad habits is overwhelming. So, advice please. Thanks, Kaylily

    Welcome! And Great Job on what you have accomplished so far!

    It's a long road when you are trying to be fit. Just remember even if you stumble, the next day is a new day and you can get back up and get back to it. This is a wonderful place for support and encouragement. I would suggest starting with Foundation Light. If after a bit it seems too easy, just go to Foundation. Both are great starter programs that can get you going. I also recommend checking out the different articles as they have helped me get a better understanding of everything. The recipes are a great place to pick up some healthy recipes that I can say I have loved. Again Welcome and best of luck on your life style change. You already took the first step and now its just getting a bit better day by day!


      Hi and welcome to the Hive! Great job on losing almost 50lbs!!! For some reason your post resonates with me - I can only imagine having such a long journey toward a healthy weight still in front and wondering if it's worth it.
      The good news is: you have everything you need. If you were able to live differently for five months and lose all that weight: congratulations, you can do it for however long it takes.
      The bad news is: lots of people tend to self-sabotage when they get too close to success - and you seem to have figured out what works for you and made it work for you, so that is very close in a way. So it may be a good idea to hear what the little voices we all have in our heads are saying to you before you reach for that snack that you had successfully banned from your life before. What they are saying so you don't work out as hard as you wanted to - and have before.
      Success can be as scary as failure - what if you reach your goal weight and are healthy and the other issues you have blamed on your weight are still there to deal with? What if you reach your goal weight and are healthy and all the other issues go away? How about the people in your life? Anybody more comfortable with a person who's struggling than with someone who's realizing her potential? These are just a few considerations that may or may not apply to you - I don't know you at all. It just sounds to me that you've reached the point where it's not about knowledge and discipline anymore but where the mental part gets more important. But you know what? Tons of people never make it through five months and close to 50lbs. You can make it the rest of the way. You got this.


        There's something not many people know: Prior to the BMI being established as a medical value to broad strokes determine if a person was overweight or not, doctors and people in general used the Broca Index.

        The formula is very easy: To determine the normal weight you simply take your height in cm, subtract 100 and then that value is your normal weight in kg. Above that and one is overweight. To determine the ideal body weight according to Broca you simply take the normal weight value from above and 90% of that for men, and 80% (some sources give 85%) of that for women is the ideal weight.
        For me that'd mean 56.8 kg (or 60.4 kg).

        Since for most heights the Broca-normal weight is around BMI 24, that means in the 80s, when the BMI was established, suddenly there were a lot fewer overweight people in the statistics. That is not to say the Broca-Index was wrong, for a majority of people < BMI 25 is still overweight (in general the BMI is too nice).
        The problem is exacerbated by the fact that doctors these days, living in industrial countries wihere the majority is overweight, are so used to overweight bodies, that they often don't recognise a BMI that is only overweight (below 30) and even obesity (>30) is often misperceived as mere overweight or chubbiness. Not to mention that this also means modern doctors often consider normal weight people too thin. Thus an overweight person would have gotten nagged by their doctor quite early on in the 70s, but in the 2010s you'd be hardwrung to find a doctor recommending a diet before BMI 30.
        And this problem is only getting worse.

        This is why your weight is such a pile of work to overcome, modern doctors have simply let you progress too far. But worry not. With a little exercise (or none at all, exercise isn't actually needed, it's 90% diet at your weight) and the right diet you will make very quick progress once again. For my calculation I assumed you doing an hour of exercise or walking 7 km / 10k steps every day and eating 1500 kcal, as well as a height of 165 cm (because that's average for women), and with that you'll be below BMI 25 in just fifteen months, making noticeable progress all the while.

        I've spent three years now struggling with my diet, losing and regaining the same few kg again and again, so I very much feel your motivation problem. And it turns out the solution (for me) was being hungry and making a bigger deficit (I'm on 1000 kcal a day now). Huh, and that after all this time of diet books telling me being hungry is somehow a bad thing.


          kaylily Welcome to the Hive! we are all here if you ever need more advice

          As for motivation its mostly down what your are trying to achieve? When I first started working out 3 years ago to motivate myself I signed myself up for the Spartan Super Race and pushed myself each day to make sure I was fit enough to make it round the race and have never looked back since still racing and exercising each day Obviously you don't need to do anything that extreme hehe! Maybe you want to achieve your first pull up? or earning a side badge from Darebee are very good motivators in keeping up the fitness. As for dieting I am not the best person to ask lol! I love my doughnuts too much lol! Just try and cut down on sugary food and try and eat more fruit and veg you can treat yourself once in a while, if you cut it out completely, you can find yourself looking in the biscuit isle too much.

          A good saying is "its not how far you have to go, its how far you've come and seeing that you lost 50lbs that is awesome!

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            Welcome kaylily to the hive.

            Firstly, congratulations on the weight loss.

            The first thing I would say about developing a new habit is that it takes 21 days for the brain to develop new behavioural pathways (AKA habits) so what I am doing is using a A6 notepad, I am keeping a log of every day for 21 days of a particular thing I wish to change I.e: I am trying to stay away from pepsi so my box says "no pepsi for 21 days" and every day I don't have a pepsi I tick it. This can be done with anything and I wish I had learned about it earlier.

            Just throwing in my 2 cents, hope it helps.


              kaylily As you see with all these replies already: Darebee is wonderful to keep you going, because there is so much support around and people cheering for you!
              The Darebee articles under "Fitness" and "Nutrition" might be interesting for you to read, they give great advice! And, I like those 5 healthy meals suggested by Doctor Mike.
              I started light as well around 1.5 months ago (still going light or rather easy), and I'm (despite previous failed attempts at gyms and gym courses) still motivated!
              It's not about doing two hours hard-core exercise every day, but regularly something. One 45-60min workout-day followed by 5-15min workout day works nice for me.
              If a program-workout is too easy for your taste, you can check out the daily dare to add to your routine.

              You gonna do fine! I'm sure!


                I am so happy to see such quick and encouraging responses! MissSmilla As I was reading your response I really started I self sabotaging? Yea there have been some major changes and stressors in my life the past I slipping into old coping habits like a drug addict? I am going to to have to purposely and consciously develop some new coping habits. PhoebeGilmore I liked your idea of logging progress towards a goal to lifestyle change. I may try implement it into my own life. Noen l can't agree with you more. I was 185lbs at 9 years old and I knew something was wrong and so did the doctors but I was extremely active and all my tests came back normal (because they didn't test kids for insulin resistance) so we didn't worry about it until now. Because my quality of life was greatly impacted.


                  Maybe just start your personal training log here in the Hive.
                  If you add the link to your profile (at the end of the Edit Profile page) you can paste it in, so you find the thread more easily.
                  It is a nice way to track your progress and get encouragements and feedback from fellow bees.


                    PhoebeGilmore great idea. I think I will.


                      kaylily Hello, welcome to Darebee. This is THE place where you will be able to accomplish your goals, even if you don't have a check-in thread. The goals can still happen because all the workouts are so much fun.

                      I wanted to touch on motivation because as far as i can see it, everything a human being does is fired by some kind of motivation. Heck-each one of us has to find some kind of motivation to get out of bed each day and brush our teeth. So, my suggestion to you is to find a journal( a notebook, a piece of paper) whatever, and a pencil and start writing. Try to write everyday and figure out your deep down inner you motivations for things. You have lost 50 lbs so I am thinking you are motivated by something. What is it? It is your job on earth to figure out what that perfect motivation is for you.

                      Now to the rest of the weight loss. I don't know. That is up to you And I say that just because I personally think that weight loss is a very personal thing and the right method for each person has to be found. I don't think it is a simple as finding a caloric deficit, and put in the time. If it was, I would have lost weight once and done. Instead I lost weight successfully like 10 times, and then had to restart. Reason being, I did not figure out my correct motivation, and what was healthy for me from the mental perspective. Weight loss is more of a mental health battle than anything. But once you find the correct mental aspect attitude wise and motivation wise it is easy.

                      So, for me, I just rely on exercise. Why? Because exercise like bike riding and running is endorphin boosting, depression busting, self-esteem boosting. And those things are needed when you are trying to change yourself. I have had success with this, and am making good progress.

                      So, just give some thought as to your goals, and work on them, and take things one day at a time. Invest in today, and have low expectations for tomorrow so that you don't overwhelm yourself. You can totally do this because you have proved that you can do it. You lost 50 lbs. You are exercising again. Those are two big wins. Go forth with positive thoughts, and hope. Don't give up!

                      Have fun.


                        1. Break your weight loss goals into smaller pieces. Lets say for arguments sake you want to lose 100lbs. Thats a lot! But break it up...say, into 20lb goals. And after reaching each mini goal, give yourself a non-food reward. Maybe go into maintenance for a week, and then continue to lose weight.

                        2. Be mindful of the lies you tell yourself, like: Oh I had a rough day, I deserve X... Or, oh I just screwed up the whole day by eating X, might as well continue...write them down, and come up with counter-thoughts to them.

                        3. Make working out fun! Avoid thinking "Oh I MUST do this for weight loss" ... think instead "I love feeling ALIVE when I work out! I love the feeling of my heart pumping, my lungs working, I love the great feeling I will have afterwards!" Add some fun music to your workouts.

                        You can do it!


                          Originally posted by Nevetharine View Post
                          And after reaching each mini goal, give yourself a non-food reward. Maybe go into maintenance for a week, and then continue to lose weight.
                          I agree with the rest, but this is pretty much the opposite of a non-food reward. For me a non-food reward is going to the cinema, buying cool christmas-themed socks that I don't actually need or visiting something.

                          When you think of a maintenance week as "rest" then you are actively making the diet "work". But as someone who tends to overeat the diet needs to be "normal" and eating over it can only be "addition".
                          I know that for myself it will always be super easy to shift my caloric idea of "normal" upwards slowly but steadily. So I have to set myself a hard normal that isn't allowed to shift.

                          The ability to easily overeat is a superpower. There are not too few people with a low appetite, who take months to regain their weight after a stomach bug or women who drastically lose weight while breastfeeding because they simply cannot eat that much. Some of those unfortunate people are even underweight. We have no such quarrels, regaining or not losing weight is as easy to us as breathing.
                          But like the superpower to set things on fire with your mind, we must control ourselves and only use it at the appropriate times.
                          Superman lives in a world made of cardboard, all his life he has to make sure not to just punch through walls or stomp holes in the floor.
                          Like him, we live in a world not made to accomodate our superpowers.


                            I really like this idea. So many of my friends...even the ones who are personal trainers...say it's ok to have a cheat day. Unfortunately that day tends to be a week or so. Relaxing and not being aware of what I am consuming may never be a thing...I may have to be vigilant here the rest of my life. I just have to accept that and find other ways/things to enjoy and reward myself with for beating my arch nemesis on a daily basis. I would have responded sooner Noen but I have been in the hospital. You really triggered an epiphany here.