I feel like I'm drowning...

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    Sorry to hear you're having such a bad time right now but draw strength (when your own is failing) from the thought that out here in Darebee land is a whole host of people who are willing to give you what support they can. Don't know what else to say except I hope things resolve quickly and to your satisfaction.


      If this person's presence is presenting a physical danger to yourself or any member of your household, get them out now. Go to the police for assistance, if necessary.

      Feeling stress over a verbally unpleasant situation and/or the potential for damage to/loss of property is one thing. A threat to your physical safety is a whole different kettle of fish entirely. People who make threats sometimes do act on them. Do not take the risk.


        Rainbow Dragon I get that. I just want to make sure that if I get the cops involved they'll be able to actually do something. Not just make an even more unsafe breakdown of trust than is already present. Because there's this long [and potentially very costly] process around getting someone formally evicted - I saw how long it took the grandparents. And I don't have all the say in the matter (brother and dad need to be on at least nearly the same page with me - or else the authorities might not feel it within grounds. They're members of the first party mentioned here, not wanting to rock the boat and try to make things break off as peacefully/civilly as possible.)

        He hasn't made threats on our person (just aforementioned extrafamilial drama). But I feel like it might come to that if I don't make sure I do this the right way...

        TopNotch And thank you for the support and well wishes.


          I'm not familiar with California law. But certainly here in Ontario, showing up at the home of family members and "deciding to stay" does not make one a legal tenant and consequently does not confer tenant's rights upon the individual. Legally getting the person out of your home may be a much simpler and faster process than you fear. If the other members of your household are not on board with the plan, however, that can certainly complicate things. You know your situation best. But I suggest you at least make a backup plan for someplace safe for you yourself to go to, if it comes to that.


            Rainbow Dragon Yeah. I know one distinction between ours and the grandparents' situation is a matter of duration. They waited a couple years before filing and putting it in effect - after property was stolen/defaced. He has only been here for about a week. I do know that the longer he's allowed to stay - the worse it would look for our case. I'm not sure dad, in particular, fully appreciates that potential outcome.

            One of the first articles I've encountered on the subject was this one. And I'm not sure how I can pursue that thread without consensus and backing up. I'm worried about screwing it up or that I may've already screwed up somehow. (A lot of second party people have at least one hand tied, too.)

            I haven't yet crystallized where I would go if the shit hits the fan. Only place might be the grandparents... but they're not as supportive about this situation as I would hope. (They've kind of shot down the idea of clear answers in this mess.) And I don't have friends close enough (both physically and mentally) that I could turn to (in that respect).


              It sounds like you understand your situation but others in your household do not. That's really tough. Something that could offer you protection at this point would be to get the problem house guest to sign a document (in front of witnesses) stating that he understands he is a house guest and not a tenant or boarder and that you therefore have the right to ask him to leave with no notice. (Speak to a legal professional to get appropriate wording.) Given the problems your grandparents had getting this person evicted, this is an entirely reasonable ask. If your father cannot see that, he is a fool. If the problem house guest refuses to sign such a document, he has already violated your household's hospitality and you all need to start the process of legally evicting him right away. If you're afraid to even make such a request...

              If you truly do not have the ability to get this person out of your house, I think you need to keep working on your own escape plan. Create a way for you to be safe. I don't know what that would look like for you. A shelter? Sleeping in your car? Securing affordable long term accommodations elsewhere? Cast your net wide, consider all your options, and don't dismiss anything out of hand. Ask your resources for help in formulating your escape plan too. Maybe--hopefully--you will never need it. But knowing that you have a viable escape plan in place would help to ease your mental turmoil, and even just doing the work of creating the plan might help a bit.

              I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.


                Rainbow Dragon I just had a heart-to-heart with Dad on the matter. I get the sense he sees where I'm coming from and that he'll have my back - for what I may have to do (again, above board).

                It feels... like a small relief. I'm still trying to gather the appropriate resources to act upon. But he recognizes that he too must try to prepare himself for it. His say will be important/integral in all this.

                Right now, I'm just happy he saw how much I was hurting over it.


                  That's great! Some progress at least, and it's great that you were able to speak honestly with your Dad about the situation. (He must be so stressed too.) Good work!
                  I'm wishing for you strength to keep working through this extremely challenging situation.