Well, shit

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    #16
    Sad to hear about your condition Legolo
    Medicine Buddha Mantra

    Tayata Om Bekanze
    Bekanze Maha BeKanze
    Radza Samudgate Soha


    May the many sentient beings
    who are sick,
    quickly be freed from sickness.
    And may all the sicknesses of beings
    Never arise again.

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      #17
      I join those who sympathize with Legolo

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        #18

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          #19
          Legolo Sorry to hear of your news

          Make the most of the time you have and live the life you have to the max. I have a co-worker in a similar position right now, albeit skeletal cancer and she is doing exactly that.

          Does your university have anyone you can talk to if your flatmate won't listen?

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            #20
            Please remember you are not alone. We are here to listen!

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              #21
              what a scary circumstance. i hope you do turn this into an opportunity to live each moment as akrotiri suggested. 3 years is not nearly long enough but you can make so many memories in 3 years. and i too am an optimist. there are enough stories of people who given dire prognosis outlived the doctor. why not you also?

              *hugs & prayers, my friend*

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                #22
                I'm very sorry to hear this.

                If it's a 'best guess' then maybe you have much longer. A friend of mine has had a slow-growing tumor for many years.

                He is tired and ready to give up his battle, but they told him 6 months, it's been a decade.

                Regardless of how it pans out, I wish you the best.

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                  #23
                  I'm sorry for the bad news, and I don't know how I' would be in that situation. Honestly, It's hard to imagine myself living it.

                  I hope there will be soon something that changes all, a light of hope .

                  A big hug!!!

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                    #24
                    Again, thank you all for your support. It really helped to get through the first two days mostly intact. And from what I´ve heard the first days are always the hardest. To get myself back up there I made a list of all the worst things that have happened to me. And that I got through somehow.
                    This list does include among many others: getting run over by a car. Multiple times. And I was never really hurt. Just some cuts and bruises. Okay, one time I was able to see my own shinbone. That was scary as hell.
                    Getting dumped by my Ex two days before our final exams in school. Ruined my graduation.
                    Had to camp on a meadow full of dead cows and pigs. Truly terrible. Whenever I smell decay and rotting I instinctly remember that night. Really wish my brain would not go there again and again and again...
                    Nearly crippling myself while making breakfast. Was just cutting some bread with a knive I had sharpened the evening before. Was still very tired and tried to clean the knive with my pants. Held the knive wrong and cut my thigh really deep. And nearly cut through the muscle. Didn´t even noticed I cut myself until I tried to put something in my pocket half an hour later.

                    And those are just the highlights! I just have to accept that things are different now. So maybe I have just 3 years left. That can be a lot of time. But who knows? Maybe it´s much longer or shorter. Anything can happen. I could get run over by a bus next month. The way the drivers drive here I am actually suprised that it did not happen already... Or I could live another 20 years. Everything is possible!

                    All this is just another thing that is trying to ruin my life. Will it get me down? Most likely. Will it keep me down? Hopefully not. There are still a lot of things I want to do. And I told myself that I would not bite the dust until most of them are done. Stubbornness runs in my family and even though that trait has mostly skipped me and my sister we can still be stubborn as hell when need be.

                    You can´t imagine how unbelievably glad I am that I found this site when I did. In the short time I have been here you have all been so nice and supportive. I usually don´t get that from most people. My eyes are already starting to get a little bit wet, so to wrap this up before I start crying. Thank you all very much and a big hug for all of you. I love you guys. You are simply amazing.

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                      #25
                      You know, when diagnosed with any kind of life threatening disease, we go through different emotional stages. First there's this "can't believe this is happening to me"-stage along with a horrifying and almost paralyzing feeling. The sooner you hit into the acceptance-stage, the better. That's when you begin to rationalize things. I think, from reading your last comment, that you're right there now.

                      I'm going through a similar situation too right now and, taking into account that every person is different and reacts to similar situations in different kind of ways, I will not tell you how to deal with it. But there are these two things I would like you to consider: please, don't pinpoint those 3 years in your mind. It's just stadistics. And get the best information about your situation from different sources, including asking for a second opinion. The more you learn about it, the better you can deal with it.

                      Sending you a big hug.

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                        #26
                        I agree with EmChey. Definitely get a second opinion. That's not the type of thing to take lying down and they could be wrong since your doctor consulted with someone, too. Doctors can be, and sometimes are, wrong. A second opinion definitely wouldn't hurt.

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                          #27
                          Of course I went for a second opinion. Even though that oncologist that my doctor consorted is supposed to be among the best Germany I went to the university clinic here to hand them the medical stuff to look over it. Pictures, scans, data. That sort of thing. The oncologist who took it to his head of oncology just took a small look at it and literaly said :"Well, that looks fun. I rarely see something like that. Ever thought about giving your body to science?" I nearly hit him in the face... Inconsiderable jerk. I hope his boss is a better person. And knows what he is doing.


                          EmChey And those 3 years? The doctor said it was a guess. I only take it as orientation point, nothing fixed. Life is pretty unpredictable so who nows what could happen. Heck, for all I know we could all die horribly in a nuclear war in hours if some country does anything a certain orange couloured head of state with small hands and what looks like a terrible toupé perceives as a threat...
                          Last edited by Legolo; January 10th, 2019, 08:10 PM.

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                            #28
                            And I thought I was having a bit of a rough time. I don't really have anything smart to say, I know whenever I look at self-help websites they make me feel worse... but here goes:

                            A lot can happen in 3 years and doctors do get it wrong all the time.
                            From a different perspective, I'm not sure I want a future. I'm not going to have kids I know that for certain, I don't know what growing old on my own would be like, there could be a devastating war (not even a nuclear one but that's also a possibility) and/or earthquake here at any time...
                            Just because they gave you a "line" doesn't mean that
                            A. they're right
                            or
                            B. that it should stop you from having a good life... but I'm really not in your position so emotionally I don't suppose that's a lot of help (though I have this lump I don't want to get looked at by a doctor, for a few months now).

                            Maybe you could go on a tour around the world or something.
                            Best wishes to you.

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                              #29
                              Big hugs, Legolo


                              Sounds like you've got some lists written out -- I like lists, they help me when I feel overwhelmed and need to dump stuff out of my head. I make lists of things I need to do, things I want to work on, things I have done, things I think are stupid, etc.

                              I'm not a religious person either so the best I can offer is sometimes disruption in life can liberate you to live the life you really need to live? People love watching post-apocalyptic movies because the sudden loss of civilization pushes us to become radical warriors or survivalists. Maybe the challenge of this will open up a chance to go and do things you might not have ever tried if your life had just gone on like before. And that said, like everyone else has, time is totally relative ---- it's not a countdown. If anything, maybe try thinking of it as a call to action -- and maybe in three years you'll be healthy as a horse and happier than you ever have been, and you can add this to the list of crazy crap you've lived through already (which was extremely impressive a list, as a list aficionado I must say)

                              Get out there, Legolo!! I'd find a support group as suggested above, and then maybe your next list can be all the things you really, really want to do.

                              All the love and luck!!

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                                #30
                                Sending hope and good vibes.
                                Here you are never alone.

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