Motivation and good vibe needed

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    Motivation and good vibe needed


    I'm usually not a sharing person, I tried to go to several different psychologists, but I haven't found it useful, and I did not have a good vibe with any of them. So here I am, it is not even a "bad" day, more like a "bad" year.

    I feel like I have been on the edge of a cliff, just a step away from depression.

    It has been a very stressful year personally, I just defended my PhD this year everything went alright professionally but it was really stressful, on the familial side however it was a mess. My dad went into a very severe depression restarted to drink heavely this year. I won't give all the detail, but let's say that my parent decided to divorce, and because of that my quite abusive father had tried to commit suicide 1 week before my defence.

    Both my parent have the habit of calling me as an arbiter, or as a support during their fight, however it was never as difficult as this year. Because of the psychological abuse of my father my mother was one step away from depression, and therefore decided to divorce.

    I have started to see heavely the effect of this situation on my work, I'm currently supposed to write a scientific paper and I'm stuck doing some computational experiment, I feel like I lack the motivation, a thing which have never happened during my PhD.

    I kinda fear that I will fall into depression.

    I have few friend however I have a very loving girlfriend, which help me a lot, but I'm still feel quite depressed. Not in depression but really less energetic that I used to be. I kinda fear that it will never come back.

    The difficult part is that I love my father despite his abuse and I'm currently seeing him dying slowly, a lot of health issue are arising because of depression alcoholism and tabacco. On the other side every time I try to help he is so negative that I end up empty and very tired for several days after seeing him and trying to help.

    I'm not really expecting anything, or any concil, but tomorrow I will try to complete these fucking experiment for the paper to and some motivations could help.

    Cheers bees,
    and thanks for this section team,


    I know how you feel. I've had a similar experience myself. It is incredibly draining, there is just nothing left for anything else - yourself, work, life... It just feels like there is no point in anything, a sense of helplessness. It's because we feel like we cannot control something really important to us. At least that's what happened to me.

    If you chip at work a bit at a time and get it done you may feel better as this is something you can control.

    It does get better. It will get better.

    Hang in there OneOfTheAll ! Sending some good vibes your way ~ ~ ~ ~


      Hi there. I'm using not a sharing person myself either but I guess I want to say a few words.

      It's quite a stressful situation for you there and from what you said, I see that you're actually doing an amazing job keeping things together. Despite everything you don't feel ill about dad, and I think it's wonderful. I don't feel any negative thoughts either and that's good. It's a tough time but try to hang in there. It's not gonna be fun, but hang in there.

      I hope you feel a little better now that you have shared your thoughts. And know that there are still people (or bees) who now know about your struggles and care that if you would feel better. In the long term, it's still your battle to fight, but in a short term, a little bit of "pain-killer" works wonderfully (and The Hive is known to have the best "pain-killer" ever).

      I would have to rely to others for a dose of good vibe (aka pain-killer) as I myself is a bag of negativity But yah, hang in there.

      Stay strong.


        I feel your pain, OneOfTheAll . I echo neilarey 's sentiments. I've been there too. Something that helped me that may help you is having hope. Hope that even though you can't you see the clear skies from the middle of the storm, the storm WILL end and the sun will shine again. Hope that after finishing this project, things might get easier to deal with. Hope that you'll be able to figure out how to help your father.

        One step at a time.
        By the way...congrats on defending your thesis! I don't know what all that entails, but if you think it went all right, then Awesome!

        Sending good vibes....


          Thanks everybody, that's the kind of thing that I needed ! Good evening to all of you.



            Just sending you a cheering squat and good vibes! You’re going to get through this!
            If you can, maybe take a short brake together with your girlfriend and do something you love just for yourself!
            Take care!


              Hey. I am really not very good at trying to "help" people, but I can at least try to. My family is pretty messed up too, to the point that I actually lived in the rehearsal space of my band for half a year after finishing school just to get out of there. My parents were constantly getting into fights and I always had to step in to try to cool things down. And when I could not take it anymore I ran away like a coward. I really respect that you try to help your family even when you have a lot of stress with your own stuff.

              Hang in there and good luck with your experiments.


                a little bit left field and sometimes that's where you need to get the advantage, yes?

                do you take probiotics? if not, you might give it a try. for the record, any good it will do will take a month or more and will be gradual and subtle.

                i keep my daughter on probiotics now. for a while, she got depressed enough that she wanted about taking medication for it. she wasn't in danger of hurting herself or anyone else so i kept that as a last resort and gave her magnesium and probiotics. the magnesium citrate improves her sleep quality. (i can't do much for sleep volume. she's a teenager.)

                i gave her probiotics because she got a lot of antibiotics when she was little and her diet is very poor. she eats like her dad so she is very malnourished from a vitamin/nutrient perspective. the probiotics help her maximize the nutrition she gets from what she does eat. it helps give her a little bit of a physical buffer to handle the emotional swells.

                it didn't work like an anti-depressant so it wasn't a Dr Feelgood kinda pill. it took some time but the lows weren't as low. and she handled them better.

                it might be worth a shot for you also.


                  I just want to express my admiration for you handling this terrible situation so incredibly well. After what you went through this year, it's no wonder you have low energy levels. As stupid as it may sound, you have earned them. In your situation, I would certainly be way more off my game than you currently are. Please, if you can do it at all, take some time off of your life, go on vacation (maybe somewhere with nature or some kind of spiritual(ish) retreat) and don't do anything that doesn't fall under resting and rejuvenating. You're really tough, you know?


                    Just a note to say: sending positivity to you!


                      Sending positive thoughts.

                      Try to focus on the positive things that are going your way. You did defend your PhD after all.

                      Maybe you can break your work down into smaller tasks so you can make a list and tick those off as you get through things. It will give you a sense of accomplishment as you get through each task and you can see your progress.

                      Remember exercise releases endorphins, try to find the motivation to do a little exercise if you can.

                      Good luck.


                        Congrats on your PhD!
                        Sending love and light to you!


                          Thanks everyone, actually this little impulsion was really efficient and I managed to work the full day. Thanks <3