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What We Feel

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    What We Feel

    I haven't posted anything here for some time. I usually only post when the occasion demands it. The external world is still challenging in more ways than any of us could have imagined but that is not why I am posting now. Whatever the external world throws at us we are capable of absorbing, processing and working our way through it. So this post really is the discussion I had with a friend who is also a personal trainer, over his use of psychology to help his clients get healthier. And what he and I ended up discussing was the impact of childhood trauma. Now the term itself is emotionally charged. So, I need to define it a little before I explain how it applies to all of us.

    Sure, there can be childhood trauma which, like all traumas, can be pretty serious and devastating. From physical and emotional abuse to abandonment and worse. When anyone experiences anything like that it requires a sustained, structured strategy to overcome and requires professional help to put it in place in the first instance. But childhood trauma needn't be that deep or that serious to leave a mark. Because the world we grow up into is not child-safe nor has it really been fashioned to cushion us the slights, disappointments and oversights we experience as we grow up accumulate. That accumulation exerts its own internal pressure on our perspective, mindset, attitude and expectations.

    As we grow older we tend to bury that past but it is always there and sometimes it can hold us back.

    In many ways even a perfect childhood is an issue in its own right as the world we grow into is far from perfect and disinclined to cater to us.

    So, to varying degrees, we all carry baggage. And that baggage drags us down. Many times it is reflected in self-sabotage or self-destructive tendencies or in an inability to move forward or an aversion to risk that stops us from making any decisions (which means that bad decisions accumulate). It manifests itself in our apparent lack of motivation (when really there is no such thing, only unprocessed emotions and unvoiced hopes). It externalizes it in unhealthy behaviors where food and drink are concerned and an unwillingness to truly own our own self-care. To be as kind and forgiving to ourselves as we are prepared to be to others.

    Trauma is insidious. Not just that stemming from childhood but also all the trauma we accumulate as we come of age and even trauma we experience as adults. The popular saying "Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting their own battle" often wrongly attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, is meant to address just that. We all have our own inner struggle. It is not always apparent to others and frequently we throw up a shield to deflect from what troubles us because acknowledging it only makes us feel more vulnerable. The struggle however is real. And we all have something to struggle against.

    How is this relevant to us, here? Whether we interact with others we have never met before or whether we are coming to grips with our own failings and their root causes it is only by acknowledging that in this regard we are not unique, that we can begin to heal inside and help others around us with their own healing. Ultimately all human contact, The Hive, being no exception is about healing. We are transformed because we heal. And as we heal we become whole. We become stronger inside. And soon, on the outside too.

    I hope all this helps. Don't hesitate to ask me anything if you have questions. Stay safe. Get strong.

    Thank you for this post! I have been thinking a lot lately about my own background as it relates to the next stage of my life.

    As social distancing restrictions ease where I am, I have been struggling with this as my childhood patterning was based around isolation - the messages I told myself as a child were that this was somehow a reflection of my character and that I was just meant to be alone. This has influenced the way I relate to people my entire life, and is a pattern I'm actively trying to work out of by pushing myself outside my comfort zone. The Hive has really been a helpful place to commit to checking in with others and not falling back into my very easy self-sabotaging patterns. I really appreciate this community in helping me to become stronger alongside others, not separate from or in competition with them.

    Ultimately all human contact, The Hive, being no exception is about healing.
    - This is my new motto!


      Damer Thank you


        Damer Thanks a lot for this post! One month ago I've started psicologycal therapy to treat anxiety and depression. I discovered that most of my problem come from childhood trauma. Darebee is part of my process of improvement. Posts like this helps a lot to people like me, having mental problema. Much LOVE Damer​​​​​​​ and neilarey and Darebee team​​​​​​​


          Thank you.