Swole is the goal, size is the prize

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    Wow I feel like shit

    I think it maybe just psychological from over 10 years of having done nothing with my day BUT I did do something; I did the macros for my 70kg bodyweight goal and now I am struggling with how to go about it, do I just hit the numbers or what? *sigh*

    On the other hand I have decided to include stretching as often as possible, no that isn't structured enough... I think I can do 3 to 4 days per week, it'll be a pain but I think I can manage that. I'll do it on the days I am at the gym between classes.

    Going to try and wear regulation clothing at BJJ tonight, I'm super nervous as I am still not confident with people seeing my body (or as much as skintight clothing shows)... *sweating bullets*

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      Tonight was BJJ no gi and I was destroyed by a 14 year old boy, a 16 year old girl and a guy about my age or slightly older.
      My brother just told me off for not taking training seriously enough and said my coach told him he won't put me up for a fight till he sees an improvement in my fitness.

      I'm not a fighter type, I can't just want to hurt someone but if I don't make some kind of change then I've wasted £60 on a Gi and over £100 on gym fees so far.

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        Aren't you a white belt? You don't lose as a white belt, you just learn lessons about what it might take to win. (This never really changes, but eventually you win more.)

        Some thoughts:
        What do you want in the training? What do you like? Why do you keep going back? Not some future goal, just what about this is fun?
        Only after you have answered those, what is it that you bring to your training partners? What can they learn by rolling with you that they can't by rolling with someone else?

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          Kanary thanks for the wise words
          I'll have to have some serious thought about it later.

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            BJJ (Gi) tonight and fuck me could I understand any of it 🤬 but I got a not so sick photo of me in my Gi:
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            The team No Gi gear also arrived so a photo will be up at next class when it's on me.

            Had a brown belt from Dublin up tonight and I rolled with him, he has a master yoda vibe about him, he was great to roll with (he is an older man but he absolutely destroyed me and I hope he comes back so I can pick his brain).

            Also I think I am finally getting over feeling weird with the teammate (male) I... not made a move on but I let him know I think I like him and as usual, I didn't say it correctly by informing him I was just getting it off my chest but he took it OK.

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              Originally posted by Aether View Post
              BJJ (Gi) tonight and fuck me could I understand any of it 🤬 but I got a not so sick photo of me in my Gi:
              Click image for larger version

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              The team No Gi gear also arrived so a photo will be up at next class when it's on me.

              Had a brown belt from Dublin up tonight and I rolled with him, he has a master yoda vibe about him, he was great to roll with (he is an older man but he absolutely destroyed me and I hope he comes back so I can pick his brain).

              Also I think I am finally getting over feeling weird with the teammate (male) I... not made a move on but I let him know I think I like him and as usual, I didn't say it correctly by informing him I was just getting it off my chest but he took it OK.
              Hey that is a sick photo! You do look a little scruffy and disgruntled, but that's pretty cool!

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                Originally posted by Obsolete View Post

                Hey that is a sick photo! You do look a little scruffy and disgruntled, but that's pretty cool!
                I think you look kind of smug, in a good way. But that might be just me, I'm not good with reading faces.
                Sounds like a good session you had there, hope it helps you a bit when you have your serious thoughts about the whole BJJ thing

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                  Obsolete yeah I need to shave but I am letting my hair grow out a bit. It is naturally messy as I have a double crown and thick growing hair so I tend to look like a cat dragged through a bush, plus my headphones have left a wee dent where they lay cause I wear my headphones a LOT.

                  lofivelcro 😊 but I am still trying to accept how I look in photos and stuff, I have serious issues regarding my appearance that extends all the way back to just after my surgery when I was 5. Kids bullied me a lot and I ate my feelings so I gained a lot of fat (I think I was 24.7% bodyfat) and I never got over it. Now as a fully grown adult I have issues that are hard to get rid of and many things I didn't do as a kid for fear of being judged (I won't divulge all the things but 1 is super important when you hit sexual maturity).

                  Anyway regarding BJJ. I am going to stick at it, I will just have to deal with my brother bothering me till I am capable of earning his respect in the future (and I am now £110 deep in it so no backing out now) plus it does my mental health good to be out of the house.

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                    Part 1 of training
                    2km run done in 2 sets @ 10km/h speed
                    Stretching (lower body)
                    BJJ hip mobility drills

                    Part 2 of training
                    BJJ (Gi) tonight

                    Spoke to a Survivalist on Instagram and he gave me some tips. I'll need to buy a few pieces and learn a specific skill, I think, because I am located near the coast I will lean water purification as my main skill.

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                      Might sound weird, but I seriously think you can make something out of you with a little bit of work. Regarding looks, I mean. Losing weight and getting fit probably is most of it, the rest is a bit of grooming and you're set.

                      I was kind of bullied in my youth, too (not by other kids, though), so I get where you come from. A little bit, maybe. We're all different, after all. Friendly offer: if you want to talk to someone but don't feel comfortable in the publicity of your thread, feel free to PM me, I have two open eyes (instead of ears, you know, because we're writing and reading here...).

                      Btw, good thinking wanting to earn your brother's respect. That's an admirable goal.

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                        So tomorrow is my last day off and it feels like these 4 days have been so unproductive...
                        So the plan is that tomorrow I will go down to the beach and collect some sea water and practice distilling in my kitchen.
                        I also might (might) send away for a wee tabacco tin and finally make a start on that EDC but what should I put in it? I'm located 10 minutes from the coast so I don't think a wire saw is necessary... Will do some research on that tonight.

                        Thanks 😊for the offer lofivelcro I'll think about it. I'm speaking to a shrink rn but when she finishes with me then I may hit you up.

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                          Whenever you feel like it, even it it's never. All up to you, offer keeps standing.

                          If you live by the sea I would suggest a fishhook and line, but I'm unsure how UK laws are thinking about you trying some improvised fishing.

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                            lofivelcro I don't think there is a law against improvised fishing as long as I don't endanger myself or anyone else.

                            I just did a really quick YouTube search and no one has ever done a coastal survival tin so I am completely in the dark about starting to build one, there's urban and even micro survival tins.

                            I think I'll send away for a tin tomorrow (it's about £3) and I'll build one based on material I can get locally. Right off the bat I am thinking medical supplies, water purification and navigation. I'm not sure if a knife is possible but I have a pair of nail clippers that have a wee knife, dunno if it's good (it'll need cleaning and sharpened). I'm thinking some kind of tidal chart for the area would be nice and maybe some kind of light.

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                              Personal trainer session later today then I am thinking about doing dancing once a week. I love music and I love dancing, helps me feel better.

                              I do think I appear a bit feminine when I dance but who cares about that, real men can show their feminine side once and a while.

                              I'm back to work tomorrow 😫 but just thinking of the month in Japan is keeping me going.

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                                This payday is going to be terrible, I was off for 4 days this week (boss was away) and will probably not get paid for it then I'm off tomorrow (Saturday)as it's my parents Pearl anniversary and they're renewing their vows, not gonna get paid for that either even though he had a weeks notice.

                                On the Adventurer side of things, my mum bought me a backpack, a cheap school bag from the charity shop. It's not got any structured spin and is very flimsy but is good for what I might do with it. I am thinking of making a "grab bag" which I learned about when I bought a sea safety booklet from the RNLI a few years back.
                                I'm thinking of making it to put in the car.

                                On the fitness front, our juniors from team Ryano BJJ are at the European Championships this weekend and I'm a little jealous, I want to go but I'm not "junior" and I'd be destroyed.


                                My personal future with health and fitness (and the hive), I am going to keep this thread till the new year and then I am going to start a new thread focusing on my adventuring and mental health progress. I plan to bring in the new year with a new tattoo,something completely different from my previous two (see below)
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