Swole is the goal, size is the prize

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    Just finished BJJ, 1 submission in the whole fight.

    Now my brother is at the MMA and I'm cooling down, good thing I brought a change of clothes, it's cold.

    I need to get stronger and develop some skill and power.


      I am aware I just posted my goals but I've changed them to suite, possibly my biggest problem... My mental health .
      I don't think I've ever talked about this. If you have been following me on darebee for a while you may have noticed I change my mind, a lot.

      This is a problem that I do not know the cause of but it is a something I need to work on. I have done body building, strongman, kettlebells, calisthenics and jump rope since I was 18 (I'm 29 now). I have never finished anything I start, and it is not just fitness, since I left school I have never finished anything I start.

      In my early 20s (I was 22) I left cadets and completely isolated myself from people, no reason that I can think of other than I had just no interest in interaction with people. I also stopped playing video games and going outside.

      This started making my already unstable mental condition worse then covid came and I was like "IDC" but with 100% isolation (no anything) and a more personal problem that is also of my own creation, I became very withdrawn, so much so that my mum (mom) was worried enough to spend £400 on a PS4 and a further £40 between her and my granny to buy me a few games to try and get me back on a, less rocky road.

      It helped a bit but with 6+ years not playing games, I found it hard to get started. I did buy a few games but this was about the time "Genshin Impact" was released and my brother downloaded it for me. I was hooked for about a month and then stopped again. After about (I haven't the foggiest idea how long it was) a while I got back into it (thanks to Noen).

      Then I got a job and I started to improve and at the same time I started talking to a shrink. I got I to combat sports and then got a PT to help make me stronger for the combat sports. I am also (at some point) wanting to dabble in foraging, get back into shuffling and dance and get a new tattoo.

      If you read all that, here's a gold star .

      I find talking helps and I have no control once I start, I tell you my life story if you'd listen .


        Thanks for the gold star.
        I wish you all the best for your way. I read that it's direction is clearly forward. Hang in there.


          Talking (or writing) helps a lot. Maybe someone even answers with some well-meant words or advice, but at the very least you see your own words and can re-read them. That often helps, too. Or at least it helps me. Maybe it helps you, too.
          Good job on getting a bit on track.
          What I've thought about: Have you thought about volunteering for something where you live? Either with other people or animals? Personally, I don't like it much, but it helped others in the past and maybe it's something for you.
          All the best going forwards.


            lofivelcro I am a volunteer youth leader but with covid the youth group is closed, we are hoping to reopen next month though so I'm looking forward to that.

            Wrestling tonight and I am dead, my knees are sore my elbows are sore, my neck is sore and my back is sore.
            The coach is a high level American wrestler so we did a lot of stuff that not even my brother could get on the first go (and his background is Wrestling).

            No work tomorrow and I have BJJ that night, it's Gi work but I have yet to get a Gi. There's this absolutely beautiful black Gi with Japanese designs on the Taitami website but its £110 with £4 shipping.

            On the topic of my mental health, I went into work today absolutely hating being there and thought "it's going to be a long day" but I was very, dark clouds about it. I took a glass of water and made a start and suddenly I start thinking "this day isn't half bad" so I am glad my next phone call with my shrink is about nutrition for mental health and I want to ask for some material to buy (books, cookbooks etc) so I can start working on that.
            I also bought a A4 book (nearly £4, near had a heart attack) and it's not even that nice looking, I was gonna spend big on a fancy book (I have a notebook fetish, sue me) but didn't.


              Originally posted by Aether View Post
              I also bought a A4 book (nearly £4, near had a heart attack) and it's not even that nice looking, I was gonna spend big on a fancy book (I have a notebook fetish, sue me) but didn't.
              Making your own could be an interesting hobby.
              Good for you that the work day went better than you thought


                I was a bit topsy-turvy today in terms of my mental health but I got over it.
                I was wondering if anyone had tried cooking food from Genshin impact and I found a chef that has, I followed him for a while a few months ago.
                In his comment section someone said about opening a restaurant that served food from the game and I am seriously considering it as a future endeavour if travelling is still not an option.


                  BJJ tonight and I got a big toe in the eye (he kicked up as I went down, it hurt, my coach said "man up") my right neck muscle is still sore, running during the warm up was a bitch, my two knees are bruised to bits (army crawls during the warm up hurt 😢) and then (at the end) my left back erector hurt (well I think it's the erector) so I am 29 years old going on 60.

                  Tomorrow is my last day off and I have a S&C class (not sure of the time) but I love my workouts there. The coach is fun and both he and his GF make sure we are getting stronger for our sport.

                  On the topic of martial arts My brother is sponsored by this big tai boxing company and the are bringing out a MMA glove and shin guards, he seen the concepts and they are *sweet*. I said if he gets me a pair I'll take up MMA again then just need to get myself sponsored by them. We're actually thinking about it but Taitami would be more my thing rn as I mainly do Jiu-jitsu but we shall see.


                    Not wanting to be that person, but re-consider if you're not good with dealing with stress and prepared to work hours and hours overtime. You also need a generous benefactor or a good amount of money to get started, because the first time will be hell on earth in many cases. I once was friends with someone who started three restaurants with different themes and all three crashed and burnt fantastically. Granted, he was kind of addicted to burning money like this, but still...
                    But hey, maybe it's just the thing for you. Some people seem to feel really alive doing something like this.


                      lofivelcro took me a sec to catch on but yeah, I suck at stress dealing so maybe a restaurant is a terrible idea. Maybe after some practice (a year or 2) I can try to get my boss to put the dishes on the menu (if I still work there by then).
                      Also I burn threw money a lot like your former friend but mine is from a fear of losing that money (which is ridiculous and probably not the reason but that's what I think).


                        This morning was absolutely Fricken miserable!
                        I woke up at 0630 ish and my excema in my elbows and knees was playing up (I'm pretty sure I cut my knees from scratching) and my head was in pain, it was like someone kicked me in the head.

                        I am currently deciding whether it is worth continuing with the BJJ and wrestling because I don't want to be crippled by 40, my health is more important.

                        Now that said, it frees up 3 days and I know I go, or will eventually go to a dark place if I am not kept busy.

                        I want to learn to dance so I could do that, I do love music and it's been a big part of my life since I was a teen. I also want to learn sword fighting but at the moment I don't have a sword, I do have a book called stunt lightsaber duelling: a guide to duelling like a jedi and it is easy to understand but is based on a 2 handed sword.
                        I could also do more with my PT...

                        I want to do all the above but I can't afford to do that and save for travelling (the world).

                        I think I need to weigh my options and talk to my parents and brother and see what they say.


                          I think it would be wise to think what you really want, what is your passion. Its hard since so many things are fun to do, but sometimise we just have to choose. All the best wishes!


                            TheGrayLynx ain't that the truth.
                            I only really do physical activities to help my mental health, if I have too much free time, I tend to laze around and thenI start feeling useless and, I haven't felt suicidal in ages but those kinda thought could come back.

                            I don't have to pay my BJJ/wrestling membership till next Thursday so I am going to go to the PT later then think on it long and hard tonight, on paper so I can see it.

                            I think I want to stick to the BJJ, because it is on the most in the week but I need a Gi (and I just paid £50 for the No Gi gear). My granny just said if I stick at the BJJ she'd buy me a dragon Gi (I'll try and get a photo at some point to show it).

                            I think you were right when you said I should focus on one at a time. My gran said similar today when we discussed it, mum also said my 2 decades old mattress wasn't helping my pains but my dad is buying me and my brother new mattresses at some point in the next few weeks.

                            The Gi
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                              How about making your own sword out of wood? You probably get the materials for cheap (wood and a knife, c'mon). Then just start winging it, trial and error, and ruining a lot of wood, or follow some tutorials. That could keep you busy, might be fun, and in the end you have a cheap and self-made sword you can use.
                              And if you have nothing to do, you could explore your town or the area surrounding it. If possible. Maybe you have a forest or something nearby. No need to hike for hours, just get out and start walking.


                                At the risk of turning this thread into a list of my depressingproblems... the voice in my head is at it again.
                                I won't go into detail but I am feeling really sad rn.