Everyday adventures and the like

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    #46
    When I first started back on my fitness journey about two and half years ago, I reassessed how I looked at fitness, and realized that a lot of it was based off of what I had learned from the previous times in my life that I had been very fit. Before, I had either organized basketball or the military to fall back on to provide me with some structure for how to handle fitness. The problem - both of those are environments that are infused with toxic masculinity. As an example, one of the things that I do occasionally since I started on this path is bellydancing. In either of those environments, I would have only gotten as far as saying that I was following a female fitness trainer before being mocked and ridiculed, let alone the fact that I was doing something that wasn't only not overtly masculine, but actually traditionally feminine (or at least, the is the impression in Western culture, there are lots of male bellydancers in different parts of the world). I realized early on, that if I going this alone, that I have to make it work by my own rules. There are of course a lot of different aspects of toxic masculinity, another is simply not trying something that you are not sure that you are going to be good at immediately, and various other forms. As you have mentioned, you also have military experience in the infantry (same here). Not sure what it is like in Finland, but I don't imagine it is too different than in Canada. Coming to grips with the attitudes that the military gave me helped me to get healthier.

    Of course, another horrible consequence of toxic masculinity is to make any attempt to reach our for help to seem like a form of weakness, It keeps men away from hospitals for life saving information, and it keeps them adhering to stupid stuff like driving motorcycles or eating too much red meat as a sign of manliness. Definitely try to find someone to help you work on it, if nothing else, there is always someone here.

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      #47
      Everyone has offered such amazing advice! It's so great to read someone's problems and see the hopefully helpful words given in response.

      I have a bit of an obsessive personality and the best way I've found to curb it is with meditation. Moving meditation works best for me (doing dishes, specifically) if something is really bothering me, otherwise I use a simple game (Flow or Solitaire) to get lost in the movements. It causes my brain to slow and focus on something else.

      Maybe something similar could help?
      ​​​​​

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        #48
        CaptainCanuck JCU CarbonaraTamara SheWhoMustNotBeNamed Fremen wow thanks you guys for the support! After having (trying to at least ) slept over this, i decided a few things. First, im going to get some professional help online. Then, i made myself an easy morning exercise routine (just bodyweight and kettlebell) just so that i feel i am doing something, even if its much less than what i used to do. Im also going to, for the time being, refrain from muay thai (i spoke with the kru, he actually said this would prolly be best since the art is so taxing) and concentrate purely on low impact (strenght) training. I probably also wanna find some non-sport related hobbies xD However you made me realize the exercise part is kinda just the outer layer, i have to get in grips with my real, psychological and deeper, problems. So what im trying to say is that thanks to you i have now clearer picture how im going to go forward from here. Thank you guys so much! I never tought an internet community could be such helpful

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          #49
          Originally posted by TheGrayLynx View Post
          So what im trying to say is that thanks to you i have now clearer picture how im going to go forward from here. Thank you guys so much! I never tought an internet community could be such helpful
          This community yes
          I am very happy that you now have a clearer picture of what to do and how, choosing always feels good

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            #50
            CarbonaraTamara thank you so much for tagging me here and TheGrayLynx being aware of the issue you face and its cause is of tremendous help moving forward. Everybody has given you amazing help here already. I am going to add a couple more suggestions and, for the benefit of everyone in this thread, also put in some explanations that re not necessary but they are nice to know and they can help. So, let;s address first "toxic masculitnity" an over-projection of the perceived male image which, like any kind of projection, becomes a shield that hides phobias and insecurities. There is a study on that subject here. What we learn from it is that all of our projections are designed to curate our identity and hide its vulnerabilities regardless of who we are or what gender we are. When we over-compensate because the fear we feel inside ourselves is intense, we end up with toxic behavior and misplaced values that only damage us and those around us.

            The question then becomes "how do we find out who we truly are?" bear in mind that some people will go through life without ever getting close to that answer. That doesn't mean it cannot be had however. Part of our identity is what is given to us through external factors by our country, gender, religion, family, society, the color of our skin and the language we speak. Then part of it comes from internal factors, our own sense of who we are that stems from our our own beliefs and values. Finding alignment between the external world and our internal world is never easy and it happens rarely. Mos times we have to make compromises and live with contradictions. We are at our happiest and most stable when we make the fewest compromises and live with the fewest internal contradictions.

            You mentioned that you realize that some of your anxieties and insecurities stem from your past when you were bullied for being overweight. Realizing this is always key to changing your own behavior. While, unfortunately, bullying overweight kids is common it doesn't happen because they are overweight. It happens because being overweight they appear to be weak. Perceived weakness and the abuse of power it invites is the real reason. The weight, in this case, is incidental. If you internalize this you will see that what you really need to be is strong, not thin. But this needs to be internalized and then work on being strong and capable by keeping track of everything you do and seeing if it is taking you where you need to head towards.

            All of this may make sense and appear easy when I write it here but it is anything but. In most cases we cannot do it alone. We need the help of friends and colleagues, a support community like this one here and some professional help. It is important to realize that you have value in who you are that is not diminished by your physical appearance (or gender). When we try to get fit we are really trying to become a better version of who we are mentally, psychologically and physically.

            Anxieties are really hard to deal with. They have a real world cause that usually lies in the past and the brain's wiring is sensitized so that the slightest trigger sets us off. We can talk ourselves through them but it is not always possible and we cannot always understand if we are making progress. However, the one thing that always helps with anxieties because it rewires the brain is meditation. There is a study on this here and, of course, at Darebee we have a handy meditation guide you can use as well as a meditation challenge to help you stay the course for a month.

            Given the fact that most of us will experience some kind of cognitive dissonance, identity crisis and a number of anxieties without ever coming close to thinking we need help, when it gets to the stage where we do think we need help it's difficult to help ourselves entirely on our own. As you move forward in your journey I would advice you to keep a journal where you don't keep track of what you do and how you feel but also use it to give pep talks to yourself. Crazy as it may sound the highest performers in any field, from elite athletes and Navy SEALs to top writers and entertainers, try this form of self-therapy to help them get past the inevitable dark moments they experience.

            Whenever you need to talk come here. As you see we are an open, accepting, non-judgemental community and The Hive is a truly safe space.

            Keep a thread, if you can, to keep us posted of your progress, your wins and set backs. They help countless others who will read them, plus we are all rooting for you! Stay safe. I really hope this helps.

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              #51
              Damer Thank you very mch sir! I eyed trough the links posted, will do so with more attention tonight. They seemed very helpfull, as has the other advice given here. I am very grateful about all the support and advice i have gotten here for my problem- it is more than i have gotten ever before. I will do more research on the topic and get professional help. Thank you all for your support and all the help you have given me. I was unsure how to bring this up- i was not at first sure why i would even talk about it. Perhaps it was the ending of my work project, perhaps i was just tired, nevertheless i am most thankfull for your words. It is good to get information from people more experienced than i am- i start to realize how naive i have been. Meaning i have just masked my problems under all the exercise. I will update this thread and include how i have approached the issue, but also try to continue my more ordinary posts they work for me as a way of expressing myself regarding the day.
              How blessed can one feel, i stubled upon the hive less than a month ago, and now i feel i have already gotten so much. Perhaps i can, in the future, get in grips with myself. Thanks all!

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                #52
                Hiya all! How is it going? 😊 Also, Happy birthday USA!
                Again thanks to all for the help and kind words, I had much to think about my situation. Nevertheless, whilst having many restless thoughts, I still feel today was a good day. After my morning “easified” wake-up workout I did feel like a slug. My mind was screaming to do more exercise. Yet I did just what I had planned and no more. I consider this a small victory 😊 I realize I have to take baby steps to get off my exercise addiction, but in the end it will be worth it. I therefore set myself a goal: reach the same weight (74kg) as I was when I took my pre-service medical examination. Whew, that was like almost 5 years ago ( when I was 18), feels so far away XD. However as I have come to slowly realize, I have to gain mastery over my inner problems too, which I intend to put maximum effort into. I can see this now more clearly.
                Anyway, as for workout logging, here goes:
                Morning: 100 push ups, 100 squats, 80 dips, 80 lunges, 60 diamond and 60 planche push-ups, 60 glute bridges, 100 crunches, 50 sprinter abs, 50 high crunches, 50 leg rises, 70 kettlebell squats, 30 kb rows, 30 kb floor presses, 20 kb lunges, 20 kb Romanian deadlifts, 20 kb high pulls, 20 kb split squats and 20 bicep curls. Its not much, but its something. It gives me the feeling I have done something active. Overall, even if its not “a proper workout”, I felt like I could “rev the engines on” and start the day. So, no more overtly intense stuff first thing after bed
                Afternoon: Upper body day. I decided to give the pyramid another go and up the game, so I did: Bench press, maxed out 10 reps with the 28x2 pair. Row, maxed at 18 a pair. Ohp stayed at 17 kgs. So I upped the bench by 2 reps at 28kgs pair, and row was increased by 3 kgs at rep range of 10. Overall, I was happy for the main lifts, not nowhere near my personal bests but these were done in sequences of mid-rep range, so I guess that would be kinda impossible. Supersets (x3 sets) were: 10x2 of curls and kickbacks of 12 kgs, Arnold press (8x2) to rogue row (16x2) of 10 kg, hex press (10x2, 20kgs/side)-standing draw of 16 reps with 12 kg. The did a triset (x3) of: Barbell close curl 20kgs 8 reps- cross draw 10kgs 8 reps- hammer curl 10kgs 8 reps. As a finisher, a simple run of 3 rounds bagwork-kb swings-mountain climber- uneven push ups- crunches. Overall, a simplistic run with somewhat heavier max efforts. All in all, I was happy about this workout.
                I finished the “War at the edge of the world” today. What a fantastic book! Can highly recommend. Also, the weather was again sunny, so good times going outside to the sun
                Thanks all yet again! See ya, keep being awesome and stay safe!
                Ps. The soundtracks for today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-u6O74IIjc Happy birthday USA!
                and then: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuAMjthSJm0 Ave Augustus, Ave CONSTANTINUS!

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                  #53
                  Baby steps! Excellent job!

                  Finishing a book can be the most bittersweet moment: you finished it! If it was great, you just want more! Glad you enjoyed it!

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                    #54
                    I've just finished reading through your thread and I'm impressed with the honesty you're showing. And all the things you're doing. And the support you get from the other members of the Hive. I don't have much to add (yet) because I'm still finding my footing in this community. But I like reading through your thread. I fall a bit in the same category (underweight and exercising in a not-suitable way, but much much less) so your posts kind of resonated with me. Good to read of your small victory, every bit counts.

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                      #55
                      Sending some Sunday Sun and love your way! Ever notice that physical health and mental health seem to go hand in hand? I'm so glad you've found the Hive community of support in your life! May it always be a source of love for you!

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                        #56
                        Top o´the evenin (or whatever time it might be in yer locale) to ya Darebee! Hope your week has begun with epicness My Monday was in all intents and purposes a very balanced day. Slept poorly and still the morning felt sluggish, especially since I had put my thaiboxing to a halt (luckily my club-buddies understood well, they are a fine folk and I trust them wholly and care about them deeply). Still, the day went on rather well, nothing really of note happened. However since I had free time, I could take some time to read some of my favorite classics (went back through some parts of emperor Leo’s Tactica). Also created a fun (read- brutal and absolutely devastating XD) mixed workout which I will describe. So lets get it on
                        The workout: equipment needed- jump rope, a weight (kelttle or dumbbells) of heavy and medium weight, heavy bag is optional
                        Rounds 1-3, 100 fast jump ropes between exercises: 30 goblet squat-20 floor presses- 20 deadlift to high pull- 10 bicep curl to overhead press- 10 jumping bulgar squat.
                        Rounds 4-5, 60 boxer (or alternating) jump ropes between exercises: 10 barbarian squats- 10 farmer rise to clean and jerk- 10 rows- 10 crush press.
                        Rounds 6-9, 2 min of bag/shadow work between sets: 10 devil’s press- 10 alternating swings- 30 rogue climbers- 10 jumping goblet squats.
                        Overall I was happy about this workout. It cover the basics nicely- a weighted met/con workout is kinda hard to screw up XD I think the additional cardio between multi-joint work really keeps the tempo up. This is also the reason why I tend to prefer more “wide-effect” work in conjunction with aerobic work- isolation work kinda defeats the purpose of the aerobic part (submaximal muscle activation if you cannot work the sets properly back-to back). I also really prefer to keep the time between sets either minimal or sub with cardio, as to keep the overall tempo up (read- im never gonna be a powerlifter XD). I guess this resonates form my martial arts background, since work of this modality, in my opinion, benefits your overall work capacity.
                        Another warm day- the normal as of lately. Hope you have a great week! Stay safe, stay awesome and keep crushing it you fine people!
                        Ah yes, the soundtrack for the day. Here is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndSXNhF9g7E Hey, gotta rep my hometown sometimes right? (west mongolia best mongolia XD)
                        Ps. I.am.CC
                        JCU @Iofivelcro thank you

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                          #57
                          I would love to follow your workouts, but I don't have nearly a tenth of the stamina required to keep up. Guess I'll keep you as an inspiration and keep ploughing on my own path. Don't sweat never going to be a powerlifter, I could start a rant on those, but I won't. Your athletic endeavours already sound cool enough as they are.

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                            #58
                            lofivelcro Ah i was just kidding, i have no aspiration to become a powerlifter (tough i have immense respect for those who do that sport) XD I prefer to train with the modality that i find more interesting And what comes to the workouts, hey we all have our own areas of proficiency: Some are stronger, some faster, some more flexible. I, for instance, have never had the "game brain" to understand the flow of a football (soccer or whatever... XD) game, and always have seriously sucked at those kinds of sports. Dont get me started about dancing (my sincere apologies for every girl who had to dance with me in school events XD)So i mean that we all have others we can look up for inspiration but in the end have to chase after our own goals Stay safe and keep on it, and have a good one!

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                              #59
                              Hi all! Guess what, today was actually bearable (in terms of temperature) XD. How wonderous is it to be able to walk outside without sweating like during on an average iron man race. Anyhow how was yours day, Darebee? Hopefully good. I shall share my guilty pleasure here: Star Wars podcasts. Yes I am a huge nerd. Yes I fanboy star wars much. And as such, when I have the time for it, I listen to podcasts dedicated to the topic. Very productive, I know XD. However I was productive on the exercise front so probably I can make myself feel good about this and ignore the fact how much time I spent pondering who would win: peak Kylo Ren or episode 1 Maul XD (maul wins 10/10 sorry kylo fans).
                              Today was legday. Meaning, afternoon´s workout went like this:
                              Main lifts- cycler squat- 30(?!?) x 8, 28 kgs (yes, 30 reps per set. The pain XD) Dumbbel farmer deadlift- 18x6, 22kg/side. Lunge, 14x6, 20kg/side. Supersets, 3x : set 1 Jumping goblet squat (12 reps 22kgs)-Plyo Bulgar squat (15reps/side, 10kg/side) set 2 single-leg deadlift (8 reps/side, 20kg)- single-leg squat (10 reps/side, 18kg) set 3 jumping lunge (12 reps/leg, 10kg)- spartan squat (15 reps 15 kg) set 4 glute bridge with hold (from 8-12 reps, 10kg)- calf rise (15 reps/leg, 12 kg). Finisher: Burpee to jumping goblet death ladder from 10-1 reps, 10 kgs kettlebell. Then 100 crunches of 5 kgs.
                              Ok, cycler squats as main lifts. Yes, volume was high, the sets were “fun” and I felt the effort ( XD). Anyhow the main effort of this day´s weightwork was volume and intensity. Like, a lot of them. I mean, if I count the weight sunk into these, it equals of that tonnage sunk by the US pacific fleet in WW2. But on a serious note, the high volume fits perfectly into my cycle of moderate lifts to high volume of lifts to pyramid work. It keeps the work fresh, and cycles the effort placed in more fluid and adaptable manner. Me likes XD. Also, if any of you have any desire to annihilate your legs, please try the jumping lunge- spartan squat superset. This will be something of a stable addition of mine to my auxiliary lifts XD
                              So, today had some nice weather and some ABSOLUTELY BARBARIOUS sets of lifts. What more can I ask for? Well, some more sleep perhaps. My sleeping game is not on point as of lately :/ been waking trough the night regularly. Hopefully you have no such issue. Also, hopefully you have had an awesome day!
                              And here is something to power your workouts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqfk...JzA0u&index=16
                              We meet in Valhalla
                              Have a nice day all!

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                                #60
                                Sending you better sleep vibes, and nice song!

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