A Fresh Start: 2019

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    A Fresh Start: 2019

    You know it's a new year when you make resolutions you know you might not keep, but after I pushed myself to the point of breaking last week trying to keep this promise to myself, I very much damaged my thighs all around to the point I couldn't even walk properly for these past 5 days.

    So I thought to myself - I need to start at the beginning (with Foundation Light again) - I may have pushed past that level last year, but I DID stop due to a lot of mental baggage that I didn't get over then (which I've ~40% gotten over). Even though my SO has a distaste for overly muscular powerhouses - I don't want to do it to look like those people. I'm a dental student who's actually doing his hardest in work, studies and in life by doing what I fear the most - letting people into my bubble.

    I want to be some sort of symbol that can motivate others. That, through my own struggle - others can push themselves past their own self-made walls and see past the small world they call their comfort zone.

    In the end, if I can't lift myself on my own, I've gotta ask for help from others to help me lift together, right? Life is a struggle, but not when you know what you're fighting for. I fight for my people. My family - friends - loved ones. And then, as a beacon of hope to them, I can be a beacon of hope for everyone else, right?

    We All Lift Together. That I can live by.

    The first step can be difficult, but that's why the Hive is here to cheer and support and advise
    Good luck on your journey & with your resolutions!


      BionicOath We all fall once in a while, but you are getting yourself back up which is awesome! Good luck on your journey I'll be rooting for you. I also look forward to seeing that Foundation Badge by your avatar


        There's nothing like getting back up after being knocked down, keep fighting!


          I'm looking forward to know about your journey progress!
          I wish you an awesome one!


            Day 0 – 23/1/19

            So I want to push past what you already know – I failed last year. I failed myself. That is the most important point. I failed myself – but no longer. My Hero’s Journey has to begin with my downfall anyway. Only when one hits rock bottom can they come back up – that’s the only direction they can go.

            Live for the day and plan for the future. Move forward with no regrets.

            I made myself some homemade flatbread. 9 pieces to be exact. Hopefully I can follow my meal-plan the way I know I can do without falling into indulgence and giving in after an hour of feeling hungry. I’ve been feeding myself and not spacing out my meals properly, so this is high time to sink or swim doing so.

            Mentally, I’m just going to keep studying for my exams (who knows when they’ll be) and focusing on my newfound hobby – understanding AI design in general and the applications into video-games. I’ve gotten my hands on the latest edition of the Prentice Hall Series in Artificial Intelligence - Artificial Intelligence - A Modern Approach by Stuart Russell & Peter Norvig. I’ll be in way over my head, but my passion to understand why CPU-controlled enemies act the way they do is something I’ve always wanted to know. Now I can teach myself something new that I can grow to love.

            Sudan is one hell of a country. I should count myself lucky that I’m not in any hurry to join these protests. I understand why they do it (fuel/ bread/ basic living utensils/ etc prices rising ~1000% over the last 9 years), but while I’m sympathetic to their cause, I’m in anguish waiting for my exams to show up. I don’t know how safe it is to go out – I don’t even know if it’ll ever be safe to get to my University and take said exams. I’m frustrated. Wanted to write it down somewhere so I feel I’ve said it.

            But man. Live ammo – ranging from the basic hollow point all the way to expanding bullets (which I never thought could even be real – that sounds like something out of Halo – and all of this is illegal here) and tear gas. People ranging from children to elders getting targeted for wanting a basic way of life and to be treated like a decent human being. But in the end – humans of greed will eliminate anything that stops it from being a hoarder of wealth any way they can.

            It is what it is. I have no personal qualms on the issues raised. It neither positively nor negatively affects me. I stay away from danger like I promised my SO and my family. Stick my nose into my studies and extra reading and I’ll be fine until I get the okay and the new timetable for my exams.

            Here’s a fun fact. The new semester should’ve started on the 26/1. I’ve been waiting on my exams from 14/12/18. A month and a bit. Nearly 2 months even. I’m bored with all this – politics. It’s all the same, wherever you go. Fat cats get fatter until the rats and mice fight back. I know I say I hate politics (and would very much rather keep my mouth shut about it), opinions form, whether they want to be formed or not.

            I overthink anyway.

            I miss my girlfriend. We’ve not been able to contact each other properly since she left the country to go back home to her family (thank God for that one. She was in the midst of all the protests). We haven’t been able to hold a proper conversation since then since the Sudanese Government cut off all way to communicate using social media since they don’t want the world knowing the truth behind all that happening. I just want to talk to her. Phone lines are a pain to use since there’s a limit on that too internationally.
            Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel like she’s slightly frustrated. I want to help, but what can I do (other than support her with words like I normally do)? My hands are empty.

            Well, I’ve kept a lot of stuff pent up. I might need to save up and buy that boxing bag I wanted to vent myself on without hurting myself against doors and walls. Maybe I’ll just go replay Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask for the N64 for a few days. Wonder if following a walkthrough is cheating?


              BionicOath it's a process. One step at a time. And we are here rooting for you.