Aki tries to do things

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    Hi, just found your log today. Keep going.


      Cjell Fonzie! Thank you so much, I didn't even consider anyone would notice me not updating ;-;

      After my last update the last of my savings was gone, my work didn't pay (nor did my flat-mate got any income which we both counted on), and I had some other personal problems that led me to a very dark depressed episode (I'm diagnosed with major depression). I'm currently living on stashed rice and potatoes, barely reaching a daily 600Kcal (still no appetite), struggling with insomnia, fatigue and anxiety, so I'm pausing my workout plan and diet until I'm in a bit better situation. Right now work takes priority from every drop of energy I can gather so I can get back on track ASAP.

      Sorry I had nothing positive to report this time. I guess I lost more weight, I'm only 93kg now, that's my silver lining.
      I will update here when I can next resume the program, restarting from day 1. Really hoping for that to happen later this week.


        aki I am so sorry this has happened to you I hope this month treats you better


          No need to apologise
          Take care of yourself first, we will be here waiting for you when you get back.


            I hope it'll get better for you soon, aki, take good care of yourself and I keep my fingers crossed that your situation gets resolved as soon as possible


              Aki, good luck with your fitness and sorry to hear you are in the circumstances you are. I hope something good happens for you soon.

              Don't be afraid to look around for sources of help local to you.


                Oh wow! No worries on this side, aki! Don't lose sight on the most important subject here; you've got plenty to worry about for your own!

                Just do what you can, don't give 110% though only what you can, have things solved at their own pace, okay?


                  aki I'm sorry to hear about your recent circumstances. Worrying about money and food (and probably shelter) this much is tough. It has never been as hard for me as it is for you right now, but I have been depressed and forced to subside on stashed food as well. It was … bad for me emotionally, so I get your particularly depressed episode. Only your circumstances seem even worse. Your approach of focusing on paying work is probably wise. I know it helped me back then. Considering all your issues, you seem to be holding up very well!

                  Also, I want to express my anger that you and your flatmate haven't been paid for work you seem to have been promised money for! That's outrageous and I hope it's a singular event. (If it isn't, maybe investing your limited energy there isn't in your best interest.)

                  On that note, is there any way for you to earn some money quickly without expending too much energy? (I've heard that responding to online surveys can pay a little within a week if one finds a respectable corporation, but I have no personal experience with it. And you should really only worry about this kind of stuff if you can spare the energy. You have enough to deal with at the moment.)

                  Or is there a place near you that gives out food for those who can't afford it atm? I know you write that you heavily struggle with eating but maybe looking forward to something other than rice/potatoes would help your appetite and mood.

                  Ether way, I hope this is over soon. Sending you strength!


                    Update: Today i got to eat properly! I feel so much better all of a sudden. Well, still not near enough calories and it's mostly carb-y cheap food i could get but it's something. Either tomorrow or the day after I will be able to do a larger shopping too and get proper nutritious food too.

                    Thank you everyone for the supportive comments! It's been a difficult past 2 weeks but it got resolved even sooner than I expected, and I can't wait to get back into updating more often.

                    Foundation day 1 🗹 (I restarted). Only level 1, I feel exhausted since I woke up. I think I need a day or two more to get back into it full force.

                    Also I will start posting my foods after my exercise because that is far more challenging for me to keep up with, and I want to see how eating better correlates to being able to exercise better. I'm trying to follow modern hero mealplan (well, today is not a very good attempt at it)
                    For the next few days I will be building up my Kcal intake again and that's my primary focus for now.

                    Cjell Thank you <3! There was no scamming or anything like that for our jobs, it was just bad luck in the end. My flatmate just miscalculated with dates and now he is sorted; and for me it's me who is refunding and not taking on more jobs as my health isn't allowing me, so lot of payments I counted with last month are cancelled. My clients have actually been incredibly understanding and nice. I'm sorry if my phrasing sounded too ambiguous before, there is really no one at fault for this situation.


                      Glad to hear that things "sorted" out. It sounds as if things are still bad, but not unexpectedly bad. At least that´s how I read it at nearly 2.30am... Constantly having to worry about money, food and a roof over your head sucks big time. There was a time when I kept going to the clinic here as often as possible to donate blood. Even though I really really really hate needles. But they pay 23 bucks every time you donate blood so I could buy something to eat. Hang in there buddy, things will get better some day.

                      Oh boy, that does sound weird coming from me...


                        I'm so glad, things are going better for you now! The way you were dealing with the situation seems to have been very good as well.