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    You've got this, 'rin - take a deep breath. You've transformed from overweight to normal weight and working out every day for 600(!) days and walking so many miles in-between your daily workouts. It's not a lie when I tell you that I sometimes think "I'd like to cover as many miles as 'rin does just for one week" (my current average is 33mi a week, while you feel bad about 45).

    You were one of the people who inspired me to work with the barbell - I thought "'rin felt stupid at first, and now she knows all the moves, so I want to learn it, too". We started lifting around the same time, and I'm basically back to where I started months ago because I'm just not as consistent as you are (and because I'm an idiot who always sticks to some app/program like a slave because of fear of getting hurt). You are a role model for me when it comes to lifting as a woman, getting up early before work and getting the work done in the gym.

    For some of us, the road to fitness is longer/more difficult than for others. I'd love to be able to do pull-ups, 15 push-ups in a row and a 5min plank, but I'm just not there yet. We shouldn't compare ourselves to others all the time. I go to the bouldering gym with guys who climb overhang routes like it was nothing, then do several sets of pull-ups as a "finisher". Comparing myself to them makes me want to cry. But comparing myself today to myself 10 years ago (overweight, dying after a 10min bike ride) makes me proud.

    What is it that makes you proud? Would you be where you are now if you hadn't done all the work all these years?

    You rock.

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      You're a really inspiring, funny person. Your progress is amazing. It sucks not liking what you see. I am definately not an expert in fitness so I have no advice. I hope things get better for you though.

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        Are you really "still fluffy", or is it just how you see yourself??? I ask because sometimes I see myself as fat, and other times "aye buddy, you look good" and this can happen in the same day.

        I have seen you post a few pics before of you doing diff things and fluffy is not a word I would use to describe you.

        Maybe it's time to take your opinion out of this and go for some hard facts. Do some measurements. Record your data. Follow the data trends. Just see where you really are.

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          daejamurrachan I may try the treadmill bit. Maybe set slowish with an actual book, as I hate podcasts/ebooks (I like to digest my information by reading, not hearing). On days like today, the walk to/from the gym is definately the larger part of the workout (2 miles each way) so I could just make it a pure cardio day pretty easily.

          sleep_twitch I cheat on the mileage, seriously. I stand/walk around all day at work. For someone with a desk job, logging anything over 25-30 miles a week takes actually making a point of going for walks. You have a good point on the comparisons, tho. I can easily cheer myself up by making some photo collage w old pics of myself..... but then I can just as easily wreck my mood by looking at some 20 something steroid barbie with an instagram fitness page >.> I admire the fact that you still keep coming back to fitness even when depressed - I get fits of minor ennui and just working through those is horrible. And really, if we could borrow each other's good habits (your following directions, my going no matter what) we would probably both be well served LOL. I HAVE definately hurt myself a few times by going off in some ideosyncratic direction.

          Thanks CODawn

          aveoturbo I am 5'10. 170 (which may have prompted me to throw the fucking scale away). So 3lbs shy of overweight. Going by picture method I would guestimate my body fat is about 25%, the tape measure calculator method told me 27%. I am not one of those people who is muscular enough for bmi to be an inaccurate scale. So, just barely healthy sized. I chose "fluffy" as a descriptor bc part of what annoys me is that some of that weight is loose wobbly skin which looks puffy/fluffy to me (thankfully most of that is generally hidden by clothing) and also bc, knowing I am not acutaly (quite) overweight I did not want to just call myself fat. I totally get what you are saying about perception, tho.... I have failed planks bc I get disgusted looking at my belly hanging down in the same workout when I have caught my arms in motion in the mirror and been super fucking proud of my shoulders. Unfortunately the cold hard facts are also that I am healthy...... (which is a first, really, I have vacilated between overweight and obese my entire life until now, and was easily over 40% body fat at my highest weights) ... but not fit. fml.

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            Also.... I think part of my perception issue is tied to what I do for a living/where I live. I live in "rent is so high ppl can't afford food" central and work in fashion. I am basically required to follow 100000000000 instagrams of stick thin "bloggers" in order to have half a clue of what my clients are asking about this week. (As a side note.. I hate off white sneakers. I want to cut that fucking orange tag right the hell of of them it is freaking redic imho.) And the colleagues of mine that are anywhere near my age (like, within 15 years either way) are pretty much all perfect size 2-4 types who somehow remain that way living on booze and pizza. There are literally zero "just average" sized people who I interact with on a daily basis. None of the girls I work with are gym goers besides one treadmill addict, and the guys who work out are all SUPER fucking buff, like benching 315 is no big deal so there is really no fittness convo to be had with them beyond "did you make it to the gym today" that won't leave me feeling inadequate. I am just not a small/delicate/willowy person, and I am surrounded by them, so I feel super awkward about being tall and solidly built.

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              Just remember, you can take a punch that would probably kill the lot of the small, delicate, willowy types, and likely be able to be the one that delivers it, too. This from someone for whom taking punches is an art form.

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                What you describe about your environment actually explains a lot, and indeed could disrup your body perception. Hugs!

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                  I am by no means an exception to comparing myself to others and the look in the mirror sometimes gets the best of me as well. So what I write may sound hypocritical but I prefer to think of it as "objective". Also, the points below are, for the most part, valid for all of us, not just you (please don't take it in a bad way).

                  1. You are healthy. That's the most important thing, if you really think about it.
                  2. You have the option to improve (unlike some people with disabilities or illnesses). Nothing is over and done as long as you live and breathe. If you dislike certain aspects of your exercise/calorie intake regime, tweak it and see where it takes you. If you have a goal, make it your priority. If you find it's not a good goal for you, change that. Movement (i.e.change) is life (actually and metaphorically).
                  3. What you see on social media is fake (read: photoshopped/edited/perfect lighting, clothes, make-up etc.), at least a big portion of it. Click, click, click, click.
                  4. Your customers have a vastly different lifestyle and opportunities than you do. If all we could do all day is focus on ourselves and our body and had the means to have the best food, the best trainers, the best equipment, the best make-up and skincare, a circle of acquaintances that all look like and live like Barbies and maybe a bit of surgery, we could all look like them (if we actually wanted to). The problem is, this is not realistic for 99% of the population and thus a fake ideal. Nor is it necessarily healthy.
                  5. I used to believe that there are people who eat shit and look like models. These people don't exist (the only exception maybe being teenagers/young adults still in growth phase). If you eat more than you burn, it will show. Every single person with a fit (naked!) body that I have encountered so far (and had the opportunity to discuss their habits with) eats appropriately for their height/activity level or works out like an animal. The thing is, if you don't hang around with these people after they've gone home, you don't really know what they do. And people also lie. A lot. I had two very skinny co-workers who claimed they could "eat what they wanted". They stuffed themselves with junk at work but as it turned out during our more personal discussions, both of them were the sort of people who don't eat when they're stressed or busy at home taking care of their families. So what they had at work was all they ate all day. Pizza and beer? In my country, that would get you somewhere between 700-1200 kcal. Sounds huge for a meal. But that's not a lot for an adult woman of normal height, especially one that's at least moderately active during the day. The supermodels who we think are "lucky" work their butts off for several hours a day in gym to look like they do. They won the genetic lottery and they still have to workout like crazy! (and eat like toddlers)
                  6. Youth is a different category. The skin is more elastic, the body more adaptive, actual stress is almost non-existent. Take a look at these youngsters in 15 years, when they have actually experienced life with all its worries and responsibilities and I'm pretty sure most of them will have a different physique (unless they start working out and eating healthily).
                  7. From points 3-6, adjust your expectations. Loose skin, non-hourglass body type, age, continuity of healthy lifestyle etc. have to be taken into consideration. Only compare yourself with yourself, it's the only race you can win fair and square.
                  8. They say the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your personal beholder is quite critical. Change the conversation. Work on your attitude towards yourself as much as you work on your body. Now, I'm not a happy-go-lucky-positive-affirmation kinda gal myself but I have noticed that frequently, my mind spins towards the negative. "I can't, I'm not sure, this is not good," etc. - these are on my mind all the time. I am trying to nip them in the bud. "I can't..." -> YES YOU CAN. YOU HAVE AND YOU WILL! Amazingly, it kinda works. And you stop feeling stupid for doing it after a while.
                  9. You are a beautiful, fit, healthy, strong woman who has gone from obese to normal and managed to keep it long-term and is still trying to improve. This is a huge deal. Never forget!!!
                  10. Hugs! Hang in there! We're here! :*

                  Comment


                    PetiteSheWolf I really do need to keep my disfunctional environment in mind for perspective

                    LOL wjs...seriously, they are breakable

                    and thank you Ann-Core ... point 1 is what I need to keep in mind. It's why I started this quest (my dad's diabetes and complications scared me); these aesthetic/athletic goals came after


                    aparently the answer to feeling large yesterday was to eat everything I found. They call it comfort food for a reason, I guess. Going to see my family next Friday for the weekend so, doing no sugar till I get there to get myself sorted a bit. If I START that visit in cookie monster mode it will not go well lol.

                    Did all upper body today, mindful to not kill self bc I need to work on reno stuff today.

                    abs - plank 45 sec, ball bounces 45 sec, hollow hold 50 sec.

                    set x5
                    scapula pulls x3
                    Forearm supported knee up x5

                    setx3
                    incline chest fly 15s, 10,10,8
                    elbow clicks to shoulder press 10s, 5,5,3

                    setx3
                    flat bench, close grip, 20lb bar x10
                    tricep dips, bent knees, x10

                    setx3
                    front raise 20lb barx5
                    press 20lb barx3

                    setx3
                    Zottmans 15sx5
                    Upright row 15sx5

                    setx3
                    bent rows 15sx10
                    tricep kickbacks 10sx10

                    setx3
                    shrugs 30sx10
                    Kneeling 1 arm row 25sx5 each arm

                    Chest and back light



                    301 dares, 238 w ec. 601 day streak

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                      Work schedule got changed, last min,for tomorrow. Which is awesome bc I get some training I wanted. But not so awesome bc I was sposed to do the leg day I skipped weds tomorrow. This left me w a pile of bad options. Get up at 330 am and try to rush through and to work. Attempt to go after work. Skip leg day. Head back tonight and at least get something in. So..... I headed back tonight after dinner (and after getting all of the spackle/paint off myself since it was reno project day).

                      ofc there were 100000 ppl there, getting at a squat rack or leg press was right out. Also I underfed myself a bit today after yesterday's debacle so it is prolly best I didn't go for heavy.

                      So

                      Circiut x5 w 12kg kettle
                      5 goblet squats, almost ass to grass
                      10 calf raises
                      10 weighted bridges

                      Hip Dips (Any 1 legged things were done 20 one side, 20 the other x2 instead of 4 sets 10/10.)

                      ​​​​​​Some quality time stretching and now Im omw home (on the bus so hubby doesn't yell at me abt walking at night) to drink some meat tea (colagen protein in beef bullion) in the name of recovery.

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                        Easy morning, did not want to get up, will walk extra

                        abs - 50s superman, 1 min plank
                        dare - squat hold punches, ec
                        some warrior/reverse/triangles etc

                        302 dares, 239 w ec. 602 day streak

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                          Annnnd nvm same day/different angle. To your earlier point aveoturbo I am looking at the SAME PICTURE going back and fort between "oh cool, I actually gained some muscle" and "wtf I'm a cow" >.> Click image for larger version

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                            Originally posted by 'rin View Post
                            Annnnd nvm same day/different angle. To your earlier point aveoturbo I am looking at the SAME PICTURE going back and fort between "oh cool, I actually gained some muscle" and "wtf I'm a cow" >.>
                            Also cute af. Those are great boots, by the way.

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by wjs View Post

                              Also cute af. Those are great boots, by the way.
                              Of course they are, they're Martens >.>

                              Comment


                                Them shoulders and Bis tho.... And do I see a bit of lats peeking out there? Also, that scarf (is it a scarf? Neck accessory. Yeh, that's it) or neck accessory drapes off your traps nicely. That's a really nice outfit all together. You look great!

                                It's hard to tell because the pic is grainy, but your calfs may be bigger than mine. I'd post my best/worst pic for you, but it may make everyone puke. Like I love the pic but it hits things wrong but also right. It's a dude thing I guess.

                                Anyway, you look fabulous, and I'm not saying it in a way to just be supportive and positive on a positive oriented site. You should know that I will tell you how I feel, even if it means I hurt a feel or two. I just want to be real. You are fabulous! If there's anything I see, I recognize that there has been a different past for you physically. The traits are there. But that's a sign of progress and I have some of the same shit. That's why I can recognize it a bit more easily. Anyone who has radically transformed their body will have these signs.

                                The thing is, it shows me two things. Discipline and the ability to take yourself out of your circumstances to change for the better. That is to be lauded in a world where the internet has created "fitness stars" and models who use lights and filters and all the other crap Ann-Core talked about to produce a fake person that "we set our standards to." :Long diatribe about society setting stupid unachievable standards:

                                So, can I tell you something? Ok, good.

                                I have learned through my journey that I deserve to feel sexy too. When I feel sexy and send out that same vibe, my wife, who has issues accepting her sexiness, begins to feel sexy too. So, I started buying clothes that makee feel sexy. And don't laugh too hard, but the thing that makes me feel ultra sexed is really great fitting underwear. I don't know why, but I put certain pairs I have recently bought on and feel like a whole different animal. It carries over to others too, well, my wife. But whatever. I carry myself differently, with even more confidence. Confidence is sexy.

                                Find what makes you confident and rock it. Then other things don't matter. When I have my sexy undies on, I don't care about my muffin top tummy. Because I am sexy (I feel it anyway).

                                Thanks for sharing that 'rin!

                                ​​​​​​​And serious, you look great*!

                                ​​​​​​​*Classy is the appropriate word here.

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