Seeking Some Duct Tape

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    With stepmom for a few days. We all got tested and are visiting her niece. (I feel like I am being respinsibly irresponsible. Also if I weren't so craving family bc of loss of my dad I might have made other choices. But meh.) So don't worry if I fall offline a few days.

    Went for a nice but v cold walk this morning (my hands disagreed abt it being nice lol). Click image for larger version

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    Current streak 191

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      Very pretty!

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        That’s a very lovely and amazing picture you made there is always light in sight enjoy your time

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          Beautiful sunrise!
          Enjoy your time with your family!

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            Congratulations on completing Fit Christmas and the Advent Calendar and on getting as much workout activity done as you have in spite of all the challenges. Congratulations too on getting back to your writing. 5K words in one day is no mean feat!

            For those of us living at northerly latitudes this is the toughest time of the year in any year. When you add to the normal winter blues a global pandemic, next level political shenanigans in your country, job loss, the loss of your father, a sick kitty, plus an injury... sometimes just keeping one's head above water is the best one can hope for. This can be tough to accept, and feeling that you're just treading water becomes exhausting in and of itself after a while, but honestly 'rin, I think you are doing very well. You are intelligent and self aware and motivated to improve your situation (even if you don't always have the energy every day to follow through on that movitation). The days are getting longer, you'll have a new government in less than a month, vaccines are coming... there's a lot to be hopeful for in the new year.

            Okay. Now I feel like I'm lapsing into platitudes. What I am really trying to say is: I think you are awesome! Hang in there!
            I hope you have a restorative visit with your family.

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              Originally posted by NancyTree View Post
              I don't understand 'fawn', google says that it means like the baby of a roedeer...
              The chart 'rin posted is using "fawn" in the sense of "to be obsequious". See the English Etymology 2 definition here: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fawn#English

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                Rainbow Dragon thanks, that makes sense

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                  'rin there is no right way to navigate grief, pain, depression, stress, or even life. there is what you are doing and whatever it is, that is the right way. you may decide that today's "right way" is different from yesterday's; and, maybe, tomorrow's will be different again. but for today, what you are doing is exactly right. and, if you need to, find a way to give yourself an advantage. if you are too tired to stand up and take a shower then sit down and take one. if you can't find the matching socks, wear mis-matched ones. wear pajamas to the grocery store ... well i mean as long as you actually wear pajamas! as opposed to a birthday suite ... any way the point right now this is survival and you get to be the one to decide if you are doing it correctly.

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                      Thank you Anek TheLibrarian Trbrat75 Mianevem and Rainbow Dragon and daejamurrachan thank you for reminding me that really, when times are tough, sometimes just getting through relatively intact so that you can sort things out later is, actually, an accomplishment. I'll sort things out "properly" at some point, for now I will get though.

                      In better/awesome news.... My brother fucking drove all night to sneak up on us and surprise us for a day for Christmas. Like, he got me to give him our cousin's address ("for a christmas card" which I should of realized bc a- his wife would of asked that not him and b- he didn't ask for her sister's or her mom's at same time) and got in his car at 10:30pm and drove through. (He works from home anyway and got tested a few days before, so we are sticking with our "not following rules quite properly but trying not to kill each other in the process" ... I feel like if everyone was at least that careful we wouldn't need rules/this would not be as bad as it is here.) He got there too early tho and we were all still at our hotels so he had to call me to ask where we were, but he got to actually surprise step mom and our cousins anyway.

                      He was there a day, then slept and drove back home >.> But it was seriously the best xmas present ever this year. It's been 2 years since we saw each other last bc he moved then pandemic killed my plans to visit him etc.

                      Had some really good talks with step mom, even if we made each other cry, and figured out we are pretty good road trip partners (cousin/her niece lives only 90ish mins from me, but getting there involves going over George Washington Bridge and navigating through fkn New Jersey, so the fact that she and I could navigate that together w gps w out getting pissed at each other is pretty awesome).

                      Spent some good time w my cousin and her nuclear family, got to cook in someone else's kitchen (both with everyone to make dinners and solo when I wanted a healthy lunch so I started riffling through cupboards), and reaffirmed that we need to try harder to see each other more often since she is so close.

                      Managed to fkn poison myself w too much junk, more water than coffee, and some egg nog that really probably was a bit off and really should not have been dumped into coffee at midnight regardless the one day and actually got sick (my stomach is usually IRON wtf... altho I guess it is still stronger than most ppl's bc I got sick once in the night and was 100% better as soon as I had and was fine thereafter) which reminded me I am not as young as I used to be and I need to pay more attention to how I treat my body. Going to get back to logging and behaving better today, bc that wasn't fun.

                      And yesterday step mom and I did a huge reno/reorganization project. We dismantled my loft bed, hauled out all the shit that was under it gathering dust, built a canopy bed frame, got most of the shit compacted and nicely boxed and under new bed in closed dust proof bags/boxes/crates etc, and only ended up cussing at very end of project when last bolt just was NOT going to cooperate bc the hole was stripped or something but, that isn't structural so we put a long smaller diameter screw as a pin and put some ducttape (which I will just paint black to match frame so whatever). Hauled alllllllllll the wood from that + 2 crappy particle board bookcases that I had under there outside (a gym friend came and took that to dump for me today). Put up curtains on the bedrails (blackout towards rest of room) and used an extra sheer we had gotten + some velcro strip things that were under my bed bc idk why to hang a curtain to hide the shitty roll down shade I've been wanting to replace forever but haven't bc it is such a non standard size it's going to cost 500$. Now my messy storage is under a bed hidden by both a bedskirt AND a curtain so, win.

                      Now I have a nicer bookcase coming to replace the 2 I took apart (not as nice as my 2 main ones but, will work for a few years till I get annoyed enough to spend 1,200$ on 2 more of those... I have 2 this size but a lighter finish already). Also got a wall tapestry to hide a wall that would take me 12+ hrs over 2+ days to deal with (needs to be chipped, sanded, puttied/spackled, sanded, primed, painted + I need to move our entire 2 tv/3 gaming system/stereo setup to get at the fucking thing) that has been pissing me off for years now (just not quite enough to deal w the fucking hassle) (esp since all the walls need to just come down at some point to rewire this place so really, fuck spending time dealing w them only to tear down once I get the money for an electrician). I'm replacing storage ottoman w slightly smaller version of same that hasn't been destroyed by cats (they are less destructo now in old age) and got some wall shelves to play with also. Having stuff coming that will piss me off sitting in boxes should keep me moving on projects >.>.

                      Fitness wise, I walked, did some yoga w cousin's kids (and also some "carry kids fireman style around house" workout), did reno shit yesterday, and went for a walk today. Will get back to structured workouts tomorrow.

                      Current streak 194

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                        WOW! You got quite a lot accomplished! That's great and has got to make you feel a little better. Awe surprise visits are the best( i mean, if you like said person ) Glad to hear you got some good vibes this holiday

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                          Yay for renovation! That's awesome

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                            That's so awesome of your brother. It sounds like you are having a pretty good time, keep it up

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                              Thanks Trbrat75 sleep_twitch Gandhalfit ...
                              January is apparently always cleaning/sorting/reno time for me. Never mind Spring cleaning, I go for winter reset. This is from when I built the loft bed in 2016. I slacked in 2017 lol... 2018 winter had me changing my first light fixture out to led. 2019 Jan had this project to add storage in bathroom and make a pretty wall in living room/bedroom area. 2020 started with a new floor in bathroom/closet/cat area hallway and a painting project for walls/baseboards.

                              Sorting out my physical space is probably a lot healthier than making a ton of resolutions that I won't keep/that will become sticks to beat myself with, I think I'll stay with this trend. I can get a lot done in the 2-3 weeks before I run out of steam LOL.

                              Today's Reno/Reorg tasks: hang my dad's banjo uke on wall. Put a sign (framed road signs are a cornerstone of our décor, the frames are a compromise) that had fallen into storage pit backup. Get clock/light etc down off way high up "nightstand" and put on current nightstand. Deal w rest of things in box from my dad's house except encyclopedias of free masonry (those will go on new bookshelf). (I think those are not supposed to be out of the mason building? They were my maternal Grandfather's. Why fuck they were taken, and then were on my dad's bookcase instead of any of my mom's brothers, is beyond me... but they are going to go on mine now.) And.. deal w my fucking closet including get my duffle and oversized messenger into it.

                              I AM going to try to get back to the actual gym at least 1-2 days a week this year. I am a morning bug, I can go before there are people. I'll do a 6 lift "bit of everything" workout. Squat variation, Dead variation, Row, Bench, Military press, Pull down. Going to plan on 3 hard workouts (gym days count) and 4 supplemental ones (can just be a walk or yoga if I'm meh) a week and try to get back on track towards my gains.

                              Food issues paragraph, skip if it bugs you. Going to keep tracking food, and just focus on sufficient protein for breakfast and fruit or veg w at least 2/3 meals. I think if I manage that, and stay more active, I will stabilize at a healthier weight. I need to stop trying to get to/stay at a size 8. I still feel chubby there anyway bc of my dysmorphic tendencies so it's not like it makes me happy, and my body does not like to stay there so I start to have mental issues w/r/t food. But I am back to a size where my ankles get easily unhappy, I can't easily do everything I'd like to do and I get heartburn, nvm whatever else is probably going on that I can't see w out a doctor. So I do need to practice some sort of gentle nutrition at least to get back to a healthier size. Not some dramatic drop, even, like 10 lbs and increased activity will make a huge difference w ankles at least.


                              Today I did some strange take on Builder, lol. 10lbs, 3 sets. 10 bicep curls, 5 upright rows, 5 shoulder press (neutral grip), 5 shrug, 5 tricep kickback/skiier, 10 bent rows (neutral grip)

                              Current streak 195

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                                Congrats on all the renovations and on your plans for 2021! Sounds good!

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