I don't understand 'fawn', google says that it means like the baby of a roedeer...
When I 'freeze', it usually means I see the world as dangerous, or I'm just too tired or overwhelmed with grief/sadness (it's not always fear that paralyses me). What helps for me, is first, taking care of me, trying to feel what I need (hiding in a blancket, contact with friends), to feel safe (in the first situation), or supported (second). Then I try with babysteps to regain some ground, to get moving again. Like 1 thing at a time. Taking a shower. Or making myself a meal. And trying to be gentle towards myself.

Fawn is like when you can't solve a task at work and you try to form a group with others so that the group will solve the problem, but you're just the people pleaser trying to make everyone happy instead of actueally working on the problem. A guy who went to university with me was 100% that..he'd schedule endless meetings with everyone present and buy coffee for everyone, but never actually contributed to the task

sleep_twitch I am really giving some thought to what you said...I am over-analyzing as usual lol. For me, being a people pleaser, I wouldnt call a group of people together because I couldnt do a task. That was cause me way to much anxiety. I like working by myself and trying to figure out a problem without reaching out for help. If i reach out I feel like I have failed, and I am hard on myself. I am not afraid to ask for help,(in my job it generally means i have to pass it off to someone else) but I don't like doing it, then I always say "show me how" generally followed by something derogatory about myself.

Yeah.. there is a LOT of overlap/mixture but I like this chart... mostly bc it showed me what my current issue is, lol. (OFC the coping mechanisms for "flight" don't help when "frozen", silly 'rin.)

So. My current "morning routine" is set up to counteract rediculous flight behavior. I sit w my cat and 2-3 coffees and just be vacant for a bit before starting to plan my day. Normally, that would be perfect, bc time to be still would "reset" me from "spider on drugs" (thanks sleep_twitch for that vid) to normal.

In frozen mode, tho, that just means I'm still vacant w cat at 11am and then I feel like I lost the whole day so why bother doing anything.

Starting tomorrow, then, I will try 1 coffee + immediate breakfast+ to do list > workout > further coffees and see of that gets me more productive.

Going to look for some meditation/grounding techniques for being present/waking up.

Today's workout was mishmash of easy things bc I have a headache. 1 round of this w 5 lbs. Upper body advent. 15 squats bc I got frustrated counting what was thrown at me and just did 1 per person. Chest and back light. Forearms and triceps. Tendon + w 2lbs. And random yoga/stretching to try to get upoer back loosened up.

Current streak 181

I don't know if Calm has a free version because I already have Calm Premium, but there's a meditation called "Returning to Now" with a gong and it's awesome. I looked if it's on YouTube, but it's not. I also use sensory toys / fidget toys, mainly for ADD symptoms (I have some clear symptoms, but not enough for a diagnosis), but sometimes for general grounding and stress relief.

sleep_twitch I got an ADD diagnosis in college which I mostly ignored as I had ways to deal w self (I would write 4 papers at a time, when I got distracted from 1 I'd swap topics, often sitting w my laptop in the midst of a busy place on purpose) and didn't like how the RX they wrote me felt. Ty for reminding me, some of the stuff I used then might help now. (As an adult I brought it up w a dr who basically told me "I'd assumed that's why you drink so much coffee, if it starts bugging your stomach we can talk about an actual RX instead.)

Yesterday I had VELCRO CAT effecting my ability to write, but still got some done.

Today's experiment is working so far, already got this saved from insta workout done (15lbs) and advent. I put yoga on my list for later.
Current streak 182

Ah, velcro kitties...

PetiteSheWolf I think she is cold, this morning I found her shoved half under the radiator in the kitchen >.> My apt is always too hot or to cold in winter bc I cannot control the heat (they turn it so high up) and all I can do is open windows.

Yesterday I let myself get annoyed with housing situation in ffxiv (google it if you want a rabbit hole of gamer nonsense to fall into) and spent all day trying on and off to get one, to no success. I also got some writing done between furious clicks tho, so whatever.

Did Total Control this morning and my advent calendar. Got hit w snowballs bc I wasn't in the mood. Did another probably futile job application this morning (really, I just want someone to pay me to be helpful... it doesn't even have to be an awesome salary it just needs to be north of 40k so I'm not stressed to hell about bills, why is this so hard to find) and set up poet friend's MailChimp for the month. Going to try to get some actual gaming done in xiv today and some more writing, I'm over 20k words at least.

Shark cat got frustrated with her human not being home yesterday and actually came to me for affection... but was very clearly angry that I was the only human available to pet her, even if she was purring. Seriously, look at that face LOL.
Current streak 183

Lol that looks like an annoyed cat indeed! But cute, such a nice face color!

Love your kitty pictures...even annoyed kitty pictures! 😸

Beautiful sulking kitty

Shark cat being angry is strangely cute though

Annoyed kitty is annoyed!

Thanks Anek CODawn Mianevem sleep_twitch PetiteSheWolf shark cat KNOWS that she is fucking adorable, ofc, but she says thank you anyway.

Was up very early to play mtg w Twitchy and some other friends, I had some fun commanders who looked scary early so ppl focused on me and let someone else sneak up on us and fucking mill us to death.

Met gym group ppl today. Bc no one wanted to play in the snow (not even me, I don't have good "playing in snow" shoes atm) we found an indoor studio we can use sunday afternoons... luckily there were few enough willing to meet indoors to make the group small enough that I was comfortable with it. The space claims we could have 10 ppl in there and be properly distanced but... we had 6 today and I can't see where we would put 4 more and I'd still be happy to be there. Maybe 2 more tops. It was nice tho I got to do some trx rows and push a sled a little bit (even if I only put 2 plates on).

Current streak 184

I'm finally catching up. Velcro and Shark look awesome. Sorry about the job situation. Maybe you can some money online?