Seeking Some Duct Tape

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    Hang in there 'rin ...it'll pass. Glad I can be of help to you and equally pleased to see you decided Upperbody and Ab focus can still help during this downtime! And I totally feel ya on the "want junk" mode...I'm battling that too ....ugh...

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      Yesterday I had a LONG day but it was nice. Work was slow then went to an open mike thing that my friend was featuring at as a poet. (Open mikers pay to perform, features get a cut of the door.) Actually got a rin-ish number of steps (18k) but ate SO poorly. I think not getting enough water is a trigger for me. Also not having a plan for dinner led to junk food grazing.

      6am - leftover cabbage and ground beef warmed up w an egg, coffee
      10am - coffee, chocoball thing at fika at work
      1pm - work lunch training. 2 small sammiches (they were bigger then half sammuch size but not full size) 1 chicken pesto, 1 tomato motz
      4pm - chocolate cookie, more coffee
      630- while walking to poetry thing (bc I wanted to miss this guy who's set I hate who always takes stage early) snagged a 99 cent pizza slice + 6 nuggets and a all frosty at Wendy's.
      730-10pm 2 gin and tonics
      1130 - snagged takeout bacon cheese burger and fries otw home


      Anyway. Today I did some morning yoga and will walk a bit before work.

      907 total/3 day streak

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        My schedule is off kilter bc I wanted more sleep this morning + didn't want gym bag w me today after work bc going to a nice restaurant for my college roommate's 40th (STK midtown, thank god it's restaurant week).

        So, a tendon day from power up and some stretching and I will hit gym when off tomorrow


        908 total/4 day streak

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          Upper body gym day
          pulldowns 4x70x5
          Shoulder press 4x15x5

          Chest press 4x15x5
          Bent row 4x20x5

          Hammer w 7.5s

          Was lacking sleep so, short and sweet

          909 total/5 day streak

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            Emotional hangover today.


            Bing eating trigger warning.

            So. Usually my overeating falls under "found many snacks + largish normal meals". Like, any person could see me eating any of the times I ate that day and not think I overeat. I am never uncomfortably full but am never more than slightly hungry before I find more food.

            Yesterday. Ham shared w cat and a peach for breakfast w my coffee. A snack/protein bar while running errands when I realized I wouldn't get to gym before noon. Chipotle bowl (yes guac but no cheese or sour cream) post gym telling self it would be my one big meal and I'd have yogurt or eggs for dinner. Some strawberries and coffee while gaming w a friend in the afternoon. Not a great day, not a bad one.

            I really wanted an ice cream omw home from errands/gym. Not hungry, just wanty. Told self I could go get one for dinner if still wanted.

            Got ice cream.... sunday, not cone. Had to go to store bc out of half and half for coffee. Forgot to get that. Doritos were on sale.

            Ate entire bag of doritos + some wine I had in fridge. Ashamedly shoved empty bag into cubby by couch when hubby got home from work a bit early bc I didn't want to talk abt the fact I just ate a whole fucking bag of doritos.

            So. Today my "brunch" before work was a chicken cesar salad. May get some nuts and a coffee omw in. Have butternut squash "noodles" w a nice meat sauce w me. Have protein bars at work so I can eat one otw home to avoid fucking 10pm pizza. Just trying to avoid outright junk today but not even trying to go back to diet to avoid a yoyo effect.


            909 total

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              Do not forget that one bad eating day does not destroy all the work you've done. Continually eating an entire bag of Doritos with wine, on the other hand... Point being, don't get too upset about yesterday, but remember not to do this on a near-daily basis.

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                Thank you wjs . This is on the heels of a string of my not quite a binge wtf is this even days, tho. I need to get my shit together.

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                  Shit happens. When I had a terrible day at work I would blow off a work out for McDonalds (gross, I should've at least got something decent) when I knew a run would actually be better for me physically as well as mentally. This happened quite a bit one fall. And I would say the same thing you just did. "I need to get my shit together." I did (well at least with the workday McDs) and so will you. We all go through rough times. You can do this.

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                      Participating in the hugs sending, as others say once is not the end of the world, step by step you will get this.
                      And ...

                      Originally posted by 'rin View Post
                      Ham shared w cat
                      This made me grin Mademoiselle Luna sends purrs.

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                        *hugs*

                        This year, I learned about the difference between a binge (one sitting, eat the entire kitchen until I'm physically sick, then proceed to hide evidence and feel like total crap) and grazing (eat all day, never satisfied) and how they have to be handled differently.

                        Not going back to "diet" / restriction is definitely the right thing to do. There are also nice apps for tracking meals with photos / just text, but without calories / macros, and tracking the feelings you had around your meal (did it satisfy you? Were you hungry before / still hungry after?..). My favorite is Recovery Record, and I will always use it for a few days after a binge. I also try to follow the "butt in chair, food on plate" rule to reduce grazing. The days after a binge are always grazing days for me, but not eating wine gums from a bag, but from a bowl (even if I put an entire 400g family bag in the bowl) will make me more aware of the quantity and will make it easier to stop.

                        When going back to tracking, you should always plan in a daily treat (ice cream cone / chocolate bar / whatever) and pre-track it. In order to not trigger grazing, you can work towards pushing the time for the treat back step by step until "treat time" is after dinner when you've had most of your daily calories already. If I have my treat in-between breakfast and lunch, I will crave more treats all day long. Also, obviously, plan / meal prep / pre-track main meals and snacks that are healthy / made from real food, but also yummy. My mid morning snack, for example, is a serving of smoked almonds - they do contain extra salt and stuff, but they make me happier than bland almonds.

                        You can do this! You're strong and smart and you can kick disordered eating out of your life.

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                          Thank you CODawn (why the hell we crave crap instead of like, a fancy steak dinner, I have no clue) Mamatigerj PetiteSheWolf (and Luna) and thank you especially for the insite sleep_twitch. I alwats feel like I need a week or 2 of no "treats" (or like, yogurt and protein/granola bars w chocolate on then as treats) to reset my taste buds when I've been over indulging, THEN I can go back to 1 sensible sized treat a day. It is easier for me to pretend treats aren't food/don't exist then it is to be reasonable w them. I like the but in chair/food on plate rule a lot, tho.

                          This week I will use darebee as food log so I can write shit down w no calories. Next week I'll go back to propper tracking.

                          36 miles last week /dance /joy

                          Upper body day today
                          Pulldowns 5x70x5
                          Shoulder press 4x15x5
                          Chest press 5x15x5
                          Bent row 5x20x5

                          Upperbodybuilder 5lbs. Zotmans, elbow clicks instead of more shoulder press, added tricep kickback

                          Chest and back lite


                          910 total/1 streak

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                            'rin stop beating yourself up. about your legs. about your eating. about your looks. stop. it is not serving you. you are putting yourself in this negative feedback loop. break the loop by coding in some positive messages.

                            you're human. you do human things. we all do. today i ate the french fries. and the pizza rolls. and i had the cookie instead of the strawberries. and breakfast. and lunch. and 2 grilled cheese sandwiches with double cheese for dinner. its a thing we do. it doesn't mean we worthless, or POS, or effing stupid. it just means we made a choice, not always the one we want to make but a choice.

                            being laid up sucks. but it isn't because you are doing something wrong. it isn't a universal punishment. it isn't God's judgment. it's just human frailty. and it isn't the time to go into full blown well if i'm stuck with this shit pile circumstance then what's the point in trying ...

                            driving in New York and or parking in New York sucks so you choose not do it. cool. sometimes riding a bike, or walking, or taking the bus or the subway sucks. you don't blow up the tunnels or shoot the driver on bad days. you just accept that its a bad day, grumble and bitch a little bit and then put on your big girl panties and do what you gotta do the next day.

                            that ugly little voice that bullies you ... Jerry Colonna calls it Your Crow. in a weirdly counter intuitive way, its job is to prevent you from feeling bad. it says mean things to you so that you won't do something that you might not be good at. its trying to keep you safe. you don't have a Crow, you have a whole damn murder in your head that you are giving way to much power to.

                            'rin you are enough. you are worthy. you are beautifully imperfectly perfect and you are doing effing amazing. it sounds so wooowooo and i can hear the squawking of the murder from 1600 miles away but be nice to you. nobody should be spoken to the way you talk to yourself.
                            Last edited by daejamurrachan; August 5, 2019, 02:47 PM. Reason: fixed Jerry Colonna's name

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                              daejamurrachan I really am not judging myself on my current poor choices, bc I AM stressed out (families health, my health, poor cat's health, my finances bc my insurance sucks so much as to basically not exist and I need to see guy abt my legs + a dentist etc) and food is a coping strategy. But, it is a maladaptive/disordered coping strategy- aside for the time spent cooking/eating and like 5 mins after it makes things worse instead of better for me. So even tho I am not beating myself about poor choices, I do need to stop making them.

                              I've made some peanut butter/banana bread/protein powder muffins so I have a sweet breakfast option which is not self sabotage. And some nice lunches for the week. And will go from there.

                              Yesterday was 13k steps and food was:
                              630 tea w lemon
                              7 coffee w milk 500ml water
                              930 omelette- 3 eggs,bacon, cheddar, broccoli, tomatoe. Hash brown. Black cherry skyre. More coffee w half and half. 500ml water
                              1 butternut squash zoodles w meat sauce. Yogurt berry granola parfait (small) 500ml water
                              326 coffee w milk, fika energi bar 500ml water
                              830pm coffee w milk
                              9pm rotisserie chicken breast + bowl of cherries

                              Today's exercise is stretching and groceries carrying and cat soothing. (Before she was definitely acting like she was overdosing on thyroid meds - way listless. Now on a half dose she is a walking crying stomach. I am giving her probiotics (special cat ones ofc) bc I think the meds fucked up her gut and in a week when we go back to vet I'm asking abt the transdermal meds you put in their ear.)



                              911 total/2 streak

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                                It seems like everything always comes at once.
                                One of Whisper's meds was transdermal. Hopefully your kitty likes to have the tops of her ears rubbed.



































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