Trbrats training log...Ready to Get Rugged

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    I love the victories and gratitude. You are so strong, you can do this!

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      I agree that just leaving without a discussion or a confrontation is best. I'm glad to hear that you are taking the steps you need to get ready, and are taking time for yourself in nature with the dogs. You can do this!! We are all rooting for you.

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        Little victory...i got an application for an apartment. It will only put me on a waiting list, but i am not ready yet anyway. It is something I can/should be able to afford, in a area i am familiar with. My supervisor has lived there for years so she knows the land lady and spoke with her about me. Next hurdle will be to ask her if she will be ok with my dogs. Most places don't accept German Shephards (they are mixed breed though so i think I will go with that) and they both weigh about 50 lbs, so size may be an issue. They just started accepting dogs, so fingers crossed... I still don't have a place locked down to go to in the meantime.

        I still am not sure how I am going to go about this. I feel like he is toying with me or he is very scared I am going to leave, or maybe both. He is not the A-typical Narc., which is why I wonder if he really is a narc or just terribly toxic and manipulative. I don't think he realizes what he is doing. That's what makes this hard. If I hadn't let this go on so long, if I had corrected him or put up boundaries, maybe he would be more aware. IDK . i let him tell his lies/stories(i really think he believes them to be true) and I just nod and move on(learned that it does no good to correct him usually). So i feel as much responsible as he is. To say the least i am seeing better, but it is still foggy.

        I see a lot of his behaviors in his mom, so i see where it comes from. I found it interesting that he told me he noticed that she talks all sweet to my son while he (my husband) is in the room but when we go to bed she talks much differently to my son and it is pissing him off...well sir, I am surprised that you noticed. I agreed with him. I probably should have mentioned that she does that on purpose hoping to piss of my husband because she knows my son wont respond to her sweet talking BS...so she hopes that he will get on my son because she feels I am not strict enough. Yes my son is a typical 15 year old shit, he is a smart ass, especially to her. He does need a bit more discipline/guidance than what I provide. But she eggs on the behavior and does things just to get under his skin. So....i cant really blame him for not respecting her. She's very childish.

        I know what I need to do...i am taking steps, but still dreading the actual action. I have been through this so many damn times. I have told myself i was going to follow through 'this time' no matter what...yet here I still am. Miserable, filled with anxiety and the longer I wait the harder it is. SIGH

        I got a few more boxes of my stuff(junk) out today. My boss will be taking them to her house to hold for me

        I have not ever gone through the lengths that I am going through now before so that is a good sign, right?

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          A very good sign! You're taking definitely actionable steps and it shows! It's wonderful that your boss is helping, too. To have that support is excellent.

          It may be easier to discipline and set boundaries with your son when you're not working against your husband and mother in law. Even if they still work against you, being a safe space for him will be beneficial for you both.

          I'm so glad to read your new post; to know that you're still on track, further along, even! We're here for you every step of the way.

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            I also think that's a very good sign and you got help, too. You're going to make it this time.
            Keeping my fingers crossed about the apartment and that they'll accept your dogs

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              That is so great to read about the steps you are taking. Yes, yes, your dogs are “medium-sized mixed breed.” My dog is 70 lbs and he still qualifies as medium. You’re good. Your boss sounds like a good “sponsor” type that can support your actions with positivity. I like the sound of that!
              Just don't get too hung up on your contribution to his pathology. He’s pathological for you. That’s all that matters. If you start thinking about your fault too, he will have you trapped before you even say you’re outta there.
              Keep making progress as little steps. We’ve got your back, and I think your boss does, too. Do find a shelter, though, as a Plan B. I’m sure it won’t come to that, but having a Plan B will ensure that it won’t.

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                you're doing great, keep faith in yourself!

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                  It was the right time to change

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                      Thank you guys so very much for your support. Several people have my back, at work and otherwise and that is somewhat comforting.

                      My Step brother got into an apartment. That means I am free to go to my moms whenever I am ready. I do believe that will be soon. I think this is all going to turn out ok. He has his sights on another relationship...shes married, but thats not my problem. Just let me go already. Go find happiness, and I will too. He's being highly hypocritical but kissing my ass at the same time so it's confusing. (He thinks I am hiding texts, well, i kind of am, but not for the reason he thinks)

                      The apartment isn't going to work for me unfortunately. I would only be allowed 1 dog and that is only with a Drs note. Not sure my dr would write me a note for my dog, I mean I have high anxiety and he does calm me down...but I still have another one to worry about. I really don't want to have to rehome her. I can't take her to my moms, my mom will only allow me one dog as well. My daughter can take her, but only temporarily as she is trying to find a place to live too and most places allow 2 dogs max. SIGH

                      Back to searching...

                      Love you guys

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                        you’ll figure it out! Hang in there!

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                          My heart hurts...as bad as I want this to be over, it still hurts pretty bad

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                              You're amazingly strong, this will pass. Hang in there

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