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Trbrats training log...Ready to Get Rugged

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      Thank you CODawn Mamatigerj Anek

      Thurs - walked: Still not exactly sure what my normal walk is, but it takes about 15 mins to go around the block at a decent pace

      Friday - a lot of walking, well more than normal anyway: Took Stubby on his normal walk but he didn't do his business, so later i took him out again and we walked about 2 miles. I need to start up a running plan, but hard to run with doggo
      Also, noticed that my husband had not paid a bill that was due so I did it...I shouldnt have...but oh well. I didnt think about it until after I had already paid it. So I had to let him know that I did that so that he knew. I just messaged...I havent actually spoken to him since I left. Then, he was getting mad over stuff 'he didnt know about' im sorry, yes you knew the mortgage got sold, you had to sign paperwork, yes you know what is being auto withdrawn...But he forgets, then he gets mad and takes it out on me like I was doing something behind his back. He calmed down though.(seemingly, anyways). He said he didnt know how he was going to get his money in the bank this week...I offered to take it(yes family and friends gave me grief for offering) but he never accepted lol...Asked about my check and how much he was supposed to take....ummm...yeah, so that didnt get settled as I am not sure what to offer him, and he didnt push. I dont want him to think I am not going to help pay bills, but IDK what is considered fair at this point. I have my car payment to pay, for now I need to pay him for my share of the insurance and cell phone, but other than that....idk. Fish out of water here. My Mom got mad that he even asked..."you dont need to offer him anything" uh, yeah i dont know about that...sigh. He asked what i was going to do about Zarah. That's tough, I told him that i didnt want to leave her, but that I couldnt take her with me and was hoping to get her at some point, but if he didnt want to keep her until then that i would have to figure something out. I know hes not happy about that, but he said "some point" and that was it. He's 'in pain' and 'trying', but his 'head is all jacked up'. I told him I would help him keep up with what was due, and tell him when he needed to make payments. Grown ass man, you think he could figure it out himself, especially because there is literally a check list of all the bills and when they are due. But I am not taking any chances with my credit, so i will assist him for now.
      I also heard from someone who i hadnt talked to in atleast 5 years, which was very strange, timing wise. He is someone that I used to work with and who used to date my best friend(years ago). When he found out I had left my husband he was all too eager to tell me he was interested. Wow, slow down there buddy. Just...wow. But how uncanny the timing, and i pointed that out. I dont think there is anyway he couldve known as I have not told many people outside my immediate circle. He just stated that he had always cared about me and was hoping I was doing well and did not expect for me to say that I had left(he had asked if I was still living in the country with my man, otherwise i probably wouldn't have mentioned that I left). Idk...sus to me lol. But everything is sus to me anymore...(sus = suspicious in case you didnt know).

      Saturday - Did a little shopping(just get out of the house piddling) and my mom took us out for pizza. Took Stubs for a walk or 2(it's a blur). Then late in the evening I met with a friend who is moving out of town soon and we walked and talked in a park. That was nice.

      Sunday - took Stubs on another 2 mile walk when the rain stopped. It rained all day and i pretty much vegged all day lol. I am so tired, I wanted to nap, but couldnt sleep. atleast i slept pretty good sunday night.

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        Went to this trail I found online after work. Not disappointed! There were so many trails! Paved, dirt and mowed grass trails, a pond, awesome bridges...so much to see but so little time! I spent about an hour there wandering around. Just beautiful...I''ll go back this weekend, weather permitting
        My dog was disappointed with me being so late...poor Stubbs. My step dad had him out on a walk when I got home, and my son volunteered to take him out after dinner(he wants something, no doubt ) So I didnt get to walk my boy.

        The inevitability of talking to my husband on the phone happened last night. Trying to talk about bills and money just wasnt working over text. So we talked for about a half hour. Nerve racking, but he was calm and it was fine. He did tell me he knew about our daughter being pregnant, which i already knew...but that was all he wanted to have said about it, and that was fine with me...I almost said I knew about his GF...but nah. No need to start a fight. He told me his mom is paying for groceries with her cash...so at least now I know why there has been no charges from the grocery store on the bank account. Not that she needs to, but whatever.

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          Brava, you managed to stay calm in the storm

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            Sounds like a good call, with you staying calm and all. Well done.

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              Well done staying calm on the phone!
              And the trail sounds great!

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                Thank you!

                NancyTree I got some cool photos and will post a few soon

                Yesterday I walked Stubbs twice(19 min walk and 18 min walk, according to auto-tracker), when I got home and after dinner my son wanted me to walk with him. I jumped on that opportunity as that doesnt happen very often lol, although i think he is just kissing ass because he wants something lmao. Thats fine. Afterwards he wanted me to come sit with him and watch him play his PS4. Alright kid, I'd rather play than watch, but I'll sit with ya

                I had one of my closest friends tell me that even though it may not feel like it yet, my intensity has died down quite a bit. Meaning I am more relaxed now and a lot less edgy. I can feel the tightness and burning in my chest that is/was constant, dying away gradually. I did start taking my anti-anxiety/depression medicine again so maybe that is helping...idk

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                  I would say that *reading you,* you sound less on edge, so, time is definitely working on your side.

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                    Thanks DorothyMH
                    My emotions are all wonky. I miss him, but I dont, I feel lonely and lost. I am afraid that my current frame of mind might throw me into something I dont need to be in, just out of some sort of desperation to feel some validation and companionship. After 29 years, I dont know how to be alone...

                    Yesterday i did some shopping. I hate clothes shopping, but i needed some work clothes. Thankfully this trip was pretty easy, and although the selection was limited I found 2 outfits without spending a fortune and in very little time, yay! I love that they are making business type pants in stretchy athletic type fabric. I can get away with looking professional and still feel comfy lol.

                    I also spur of the moment am claiming I did day 1 of Runners Prime. I will not be running for 30 mins, I will do intervals to build up my endurance again. I didnt actually start my watch so I dont know the exact time or distance, but I know the loop is about 2 miles, it wasnt quite 30 mins, but thats fine, I will adjust the next run accordingly. I ran for a couple of blocks, Stubby was pulling me so i was going faster than i intended lol, and of course he still wanted to stop and mark his territory, but a gentle tug of the leash and he responded. The road was so busy though, i dont like that. Half of the people were refusing to go around me so i would have to pull Stubby over so we were both in the grass so as not to get hit...assholes. Next time I will go the opposite way and maybe that will be better. Most of my route has sidewalks, but the front part of the neighborhood is much older so there aren't any and that is where they are needed.

                    I woke up around 1:30am with major anxiety - heart racing, chest burning. Not sure what that was about, but it took me forever to go back to sleep.

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                          Hope that nightly thing won't repeat.

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                            stress stress and more...stress

                            My daughter is 33 wks, well, almost 34 weeks pregnant. Last night was the biggest cluster f*ck. She started bleeding. Went to the ER closest to her...her vitals were good, and the babys heartbeat was fine, although a bit high, they told her she was dilated a fingertip. I'm of course, not with her, and freaking out wondering what to do, but what can you do? I waited. They wanted to transfer her to another hospital that her Dr is at, saying they dont deal much with OB patients...so they take her by ambulance, keep in mind her dr is about 20-25 mins away, in another city I dont know at what point but they then decided to send her back to Louisville, but to a different hospital..WTF! I sit and wait...

                            Turns out she is not dilated and they told her she probably never was. Her cervix is thin and can rupture. I'm so confused by all this. They monitored her for about an hour, the bleeding had slowed so they let her go home. I told her to get some sleep and fill me in on the other details later.

                            I did get in walking my dog, but not the program

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                              Yikes. No kidding, lots of stress x3๐Ÿ˜จ. Hang in there๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

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