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Trbrats training log...Ready to Get Rugged

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      You're strong. It's going to be okay.

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        And now there is tension between my coworkers because one is a true friend and the other 2, although they say they support me and will help me, all they are looking for is something to gossip about. One was pumping my friend for info about whether or not I had contacted her over the weekend, and told her she doesn't know how she deals with me. Now, keep in mind, the inquiring one had seen me, but didnt even talk to me. So upon the questioning my friend laughed and then told her off. And so the drama continues and I have a new kind of tension to deal with.

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          when the shit hits the fan, you find out who your true friends are.

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            It is hard, even though staying wouldn't be good, you still leave all the good memories and good moments too. It is a tremendous change in your life, and that will cause grief. It is hard, but grief will pass. You took care of yourself, and it takes a lot of strength to fight yourself out of that situation, but you did it!

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              Turning the page on a new part of life is always hard. I possibly can't comprehend how difficult it must be for you, but you did it, and that's something to be proud of. It probably will take some time until you start leaving it behind, but you will start. Don't be hard on yourself that right now you only remember the good things. It's good to have those memories, but try to think about what's ahead of you. It won't be easy, but it will be better.

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                You did so well! I can tell by how you wrote it out that you've made the right choice for you, and that you have the strength to get through this really hard time.

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                  It is okay and completely normal to be feeling grief for the life you are leaving behind, even though leaving was the healthy thing to do for both you and your son. Sending you lots of support as you move into this next phase of your life. Things will get better!

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                      I think yesterday was the first day since I met him on June 11, 1992 that i had no communication with him...Even when we were fighting, separated, whatever. Sigh. This is going to be a long painful road. I cant sleep. With him I had no problems falling asleep, but I woke up a lot. Now I can't fall asleep. I am running on fumes, the brain fog has gotten so much worse. I'm stressing about my sons schooling and how this is going to work. I was counting on him being able to work from home for a while as they had given them an option if they weren't comfortable being in school because of Covid, but now they say that can't do that. I don't want him going to school where i am located at now. A culture shock for sure for him. He has grown up (he's 15)in a rural country bumpkin town and now we are in a big city and the school he would be going to isn't in the greatest area. The school is willing to try and work out something and I am hoping something can be, but with my work hours and being so far away...idk. I'm not much of a prayer but damnit if it helps...

                      My poor pup is not used to so many rules(yes he is a spoiled boy and I am a bad pup parent for not teaching him better manners)...now I have to have him on a leash and he can't get up on the furniture, among other nuances he's not used to. He likes to lay under the kitchen table when we are eating, but I guess my mom doesn't want him there. It's not like he is sitting there begging so i am not sure exactly what the issue is, except i guess my step dad is a bit anal. He won't say anything to me, but will probably give my mom grief. This living situation is really not ideal, but what am I going to do about that? They are willing to help me out by letting me stay, and my step dad is willing to help me out any way he can. Including financially, although my mom does not approve of that (GEEZ). I feel like a damn teenager fumbling through life instead of a 46 year old woman who knows what to do and how to do it. Anyways, went off on a tangent there...My pupper...i took him for a walk last night around the neighborhood and just as I was turning the corner back on my street there were 2 big black dogs out, loose(Labs, maybe?) They didnt notice us at first and Stubby paid them no nevermind, but then they saw us and darted over barking and growling...talk about being scared shitless!!Stubby was responding with his bark and growls but his tail was wagging(honestly he's a big baby). I didn't know if a fight was about to ensue or what, I was yelling 'who's dogs are these! Oh shit!' But no one came, well, my step dad did, he heard the ruckus and came running. All was fine though, and he went to go find the owners to have a talk with them. Turns out they were outside, like, right close by to the incident, but they didn't even try and help or get their dogs to back away..... I HATE the city.

                      In other news, I found a awesome phoenix that i want to get tattooed, I would probably add a little color to it, and maybe a little smoke. I don't know if I will be able to afford it yet...but I will talk with my guy to find out. Also a new hairstyle will be happening, if I dont chicken out lmao

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                          Thank you everyone, for all the hugs and comments, i need all the support I can get right now

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                            Wow, you’re AMAZING!! You’ve TOTALLY got this! I love the Phoenix!!
                            I can SO relate to the supportive-but-anal-stepdad!! That made me laugh; mine was like that too! I asked him for money for a divorce (which he SO wanted me to get) but he HESITATED, and made me beg!
                            It’s all new and foreign and majorly uncomfortable, being a grown up in your parents’ house again, I know. It’s just the push you’ll need to get shit together enough to get back out on your own ASAP. You can do it, you’ve gotten this far. All the touch and talk and company in the world that you got from 39 years of dysfunctionality is no comparison to what you can experience now that you’ve broken free and can have your kids and grandkids close by and supporting you in a much more productive way. Co-workers will come around or they won’t. This is YOUR life, not theirs. Take it by the horns and DO IT.

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                              A beautiful phoenix as a symbol of rebirth seems like a great idea for a tattoo

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                                DorothyMH Thank you!!

                                Fremen I have been wanting one for a long time, now seems like the perfect time to finally go for it. I have looked and looked at ideas for a few years, but, consequentially I didn't find the perfect one until today. I'll tweak it and make it mine!

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