I don't even know what to call this

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    I don't even know what to call this

    Hi. I have a non fitness issue. Well not so much an issue but there's someone who has no idea how physical space works and I don't know if I should tell her her something about it without offending her.

    At fisrt we thought we'll just ignore it but it's getting more and more annoying.
    Examples: this morning, 4 of us left the office to go to a pharmacy near by and that person kept bumping into us as we walked (as she always does). At one point I realized I was faster so I stopped, 2 of the others were really behind and the person in question was a few steps behind me. She saw I stopped so she stopped too... Like half a centimeter away from my face, despite the sufficiant amount of sidewalk all around.
    She does that all the time and people are getting annyoed. We thought maybe it was the high heels she's always wearing that are making it harder for her to walk but it seems to be something with her depth perception or something.

    I don't know if I should tell her something and if yes how to do it.

    If this continues someone (not me I hope) would probably punch her

    Help

    #2
    Maybe ask if she would like to link elbows or hold hands.

    Comment


      #3
      Just tell her with a smile on your face that you would prefer if she maintains some space.
      it's just that simple.

      As long as you (or any other) are not telling her that it is problem for you, she might assume that you all are comfortable and continue to do so.
      Its better getting this done (telling her to stop) with some awkwardness, rather waiting to the point where you can no longer bear with it.

      Comment


        #4
        Amirsh Does she wear glasses ? Maybe she has a problem with her eyes...

        Originally posted by Amirsh View Post
        Examples: this morning, 4 of us left the office to go to a pharmacy near by and that person kept bumping into us as we walked (as she always does). At one point I realized I was faster so I stopped, 2 of the others were really behind and the person in question was a few steps behind me. She saw I stopped so she stopped too... Like half a centimeter away from my face, despite the sufficiant amount of sidewalk all around.
        She does that all the time and people are getting annyoed. We thought maybe it was the high heels she's always wearing that are making it harder for her to walk but it seems to be something with her depth perception or something.
        You could tell her on a humorous tone something like "wow I thought we were gonna hug" while stepping back, to see how she reacts ?
        If she does, anything from "sorry" to "yeah I have issues with physical space haha" (yeah I know... not gonna happen ^^), you can ask her is she's ok cause you noticed that she bumped into you some other times...
        If she doesn't react at all, then... I don't know... but you can still ask her if she's ok I guess.

        Comment


          #5
          No, no glasses Imoen
          I'm the one with glasses.
          She doesn't bump she stops like right on top of people.
          And it's being going on for 2 months so I'm not sure about the humorous remark but something along those lines can work to get a conversation going. Thanks

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by thinman View Post
            Maybe ask if she would like to link elbows or hold hands.
            Haha. I'm not sure she'll get it. It may offend her

            Comment


              #7
              I guess there are probably two ways to tackle this: What was already said in this thread (I like vrsthe1's approach the most) or one of your group talks with her in private about this, open and without accusing her. Maybe the second approach is something to do when she doesn't get the hint with the first one.

              It reminds me a bit of a story my father told when he still used to work: one of his colleagues started to bump into stuff and had problems grabbing cups or pens. Turned out he lost sight on one of his eyes and had a huge problem with depth perception. Back then my father asked him about it, because he's blind on one eye himself. It all ended in a pretty good relationship between the two. (But I guess that's not the problem with your co-worker...)

              Anyways, I would tell her some way or the other, when others are irritated by it it could well be advantageous for her as well. Good luck.

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                #8
                vrsthe1 I wish it was that simple. It's just so awkward.

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                  #9
                  Thanks Nihopaloa we don't think it's her eye sight. I guess she got used to people standing very close to eachother...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The tricky part probably is to tell her in a friendly way without coming off as too bitchy You know, telling her with a friendly smile and it just seems snarky (some women are like this...)
                    Maybe when it happens the next time, flinch a bit, pretend to be slightly startled and then say something like "You're always so close, it startled me!" while laughing a bit embarrassed. Could lead into a short conversation about that.
                    I don't know, I'm not good with other people

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                      #11
                      I like these other suggestions a lot. The only thing I would add is: go back to first grade communication lessons, and use your *I messages.* That is, keep to how it makes YOU feel, so as not to be “accusing” HER. For example, “Hey, I feel super uncomfortable when anyone is this close into my personal space. Suppose you could step back, like, this far?” And put your arms out to measure. That’s what I would do. 😬😎

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                        #12
                        Maybe she just wants a hug.

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by thinman View Post
                          Maybe she just wants a hug.
                          It's too hot for that.

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                            #14
                            Ok. Thanks I'll try to whip up some courage and do something

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                              #15
                              Different cultures have different ideas of personal space. Maybe she was raised in one in which the personal space bubble is very tiny ( like even a couple of generations out cultural, grandparents were close talkers so it has been passed on). But I like the idea of making it about your space and issue rather than her lack of awareness.

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